Can I Eat Without You Bothering Me? DAYUM!

Lunch Break, Lunch Hour, both terms are synonymous with each other. Meaning: Your hour of solitude where no one at work is supposed to bother you for anything. Period. This time can be used to peruse the net (so long as you're not looking at sites banned by the company), share jokes with fellow co-workers in the lunchroom, read the paper, read a magazine, read my blogs (lol), etc - you get my drift. This means pain in the ass bosses and/or co-workers should not ask you work related questions UNLESS they are absolutely, positively, unequivocally imperative! This means: NO, I will not respond to e-mails! NO, I will work on a project for you! NO, I will not do any other stupid s**t that can wait 60 minutes!

This being said, YTF did my manager just come over to my desk and ask me about a question I asked her an hour ago? I asked you an hour ago BI**H! You should have answered the question then and there. You of all people know the importance of food, you've consumed a lot of it in your spare time (as a hobby most likely). Common courtesy would be to say "Oh I'm sorry, I'll come back when you're finished." Apparently, she doesn't have common courtesy.

Last week my other manager calls me into his office to ask if I'd finished the project that he asked me to complete by COB (Close of Business) Friday, it was Wednesday. I told him that I had not and that I would knock it after my lunch break. Do you know what this prick said? "I didn't ask you what you were doing, I asked if you finished the project." - WHOA - This man obviously has never dealt with a young, black, WOMAN who doesn't give a F**K about seniority or playing the game in Corporate America! People, I maintained my cool because I knew that I had to. I'm no dummy - we're in a recession! I took two deep breaths and told him that I would knock the project out momentarily. So what do you think I'm getting him for X-mas? JACK S**T. F**K Him and the whore from which he came! Do you sense my anger? (rhetorical question).

I am like a dog in the middle of a meal. You know what they say, NEVER disturb a dog while eating or else you'll get bitten! I may take being disturbed while eating a bit seriously, well so what! It's my lunch hour to do whatever the F**K I want as long as it's not against company policy. So when I'm in the middle of eating get the hell out of my face!

Oops: Did I Just Send That Message?

I am notorious for this! I'm the one that finds my phone in the wee hours of the morning after one cocktail too many and proceeds to send obscene messages out. These messages usually revolve around sex and when the liquor wears off I dread my busy fingers.

Offense #1: I sent "Brown Sugar" aka BS (how fitting an alias for his trifling a**) a message that was no intended for his eyes to see. As you read in second paragraph of Rubic's Cube, BS and I weren't on the best terms after Thanksgiving. I went to his house with approximately $90 worth of groceries on Thanksgiving day with the understanding that he'd reimburse me 100% before I returned to Queens the following day. Friday morning came and I kindly reminded him to pay me back before he left for work - he retrieved $50 because that's all he had on his person. I didn't flip, it wasn't like I was pressed for the money, it was the principle. He told me to come to his job (approximately 12 minutes, by car, from my house) to get the balance and I agreed.

While crusing on the Belt that Friday morning, I realized he owed ME money, ytf would I go out of my way to get it? He needed to come to my place. I attempted to speak to him on his cell, to no avail. On Sun I learned that a mutual friend of his and my sister's was coming to my place - problem solved! BS could have simply given the balance to "the friend" (to save himself a trip) and we'd be all squared away. Sounds good right? I thought so too, but apparently BS didn't think so.

When "the friend" showed up I asked if he had the money. I'm told that BS didn't have it. Didn't have it? What kind of BS excuse is that? I didn't stress it, but I realized at that moment that lame dude had no intention of paying me back. Yet again another example of him not being a man of his word.

Later that night, while at my hair stylist's house (under the dryer) my fingers and mind were restless. Bad combination. I proceeded to bad mouth BS via text message to a few of my girlfriends. Here in lies the problem: I had BS on my mind so much that I sent him the message first! The almost verbatim message (almost because his real identity will remain secret) "Brown Sugar is such a motherf***ing bulls**t artist. He only paid me back half of what I shelled out for his f***ing Thanksgiving dinner. Please oh please smack me in my GOD D**N face the next time you hear me even whisper I'm going out with that piece of s**t!" - OUCH!!!!!!

The minute I realized I sent the message to him I laughed hysterically! I felt bad, but I was glad that he would see how I felt about him. My mind wondered.... When would he call? When would he text me back? The wondering was over within 24 hours. He called me at work the with much to say. "What's up with all these phone thug messages?" "Dayum - me and my carelessness got me in this sh*t, now my mouth has to get me out of it", is what I told myself. I told him that the message was not intended for him and that I was upset with the cat and mouse game I had to go with to get money that he owed me. Long story short, he agreed to pay me back - that was Monday, December 1st - and that b**ch a** has yet to call me. His number has been deleted from my phone. Getting over that a**hole cost me $50, not bad huh?

Offense #2: This may take the cake! There I was partying it up on a hot summer night with my girlfriend, helping her bring in her 30th birthday. Needless to say much alcohol was ingested that night. I was so inebriated that I thought my alter ego was Spinderella, because I started DJing the party - lol.

After dancing my butt off and drinking a bit more the horny bug kicked in.... I proceeded to take my phone out of my clutch and let me fingers go to work. At the time, the guy that I was dating had a name that started with "D". There's another man in my address book that starts with the name "D", his name is DAD! In my haste to get my booty call invitation out to "D" the message was sent to my father.
The message read "I want you inside of me". Talk about the epitome of mortified! I told my sister and cousin what I'd just done and they laughed, so I laughed. Somehow alcohol makes everything hilarious..... Until the inebriation wears off!

Months went by and I forgot all about the message. I just knew that my father wasn't up on the texting phenomenon, or so I thought. One faithful day when I was completely caught off guard my father says "I think I received a message that wasn't intended for me, LOL". I acted as though I hadn't the vaguest idea of what he was talking about. It worked and he laughed heartily at my expense.

Morals of the story - #1, give your phone to your girlfriend when you're drunk! You will avoid texting someone you shouldn't be texting. #2, make sure the proper recipient receives the message, you don't want "texter's" remorse - da na funny!

Are You Freakin' Kidding Me?

Apparently all you have to do is possess a vagina, that's it! Then all kinds of rude, obscene and inappropriate comments are thrown your way.

On this particular day I had on a pair of ultra sheer stockings, black patent leather flats and a conservatively stylish black dress underneath my cranberry tweed overcoat (complimented with gold buttons). Feeling myself, I strutted toward the train station in a hurry to escape the cold.

I am almost to the station when I'm paid a compliment. I'm told "You're delicious girl do you know that? Do you know how delicious you are?" I felt like saying, "No I don't know, why don't you tell me?" Instead I just kept walking and went right on talking. I reached for my iPod to block out the barrage of unwelcome comments and the noise of all the hustle and bustle on the streets.

Another scenario: I was on my way to my first karate class in Rego Park, Queens. I walked up Queens Boulevard in an over-sized t-shirt, leggings and sneakers (you know, exercise attire). I approach a corner just as a car does; you'd think they'd be gentlemen and allow me to cross in front of their car right? Wrong! As I step off the curb to cross I am cut off by this car inching up to make a right turn. I yell "What gentlemen you are!" Oh boy, that was all that I needed; I opened the gateway to unwanted violation. "Ma, can I f**k the s**t out of you tonight?" Why would a man say this to a woman? Did he really expect me to retort yes? I was appalled , For him to effortlessly let that comment roll off his tongue led me to believe he's said things of this caliber before.

It boggles me, the rude comments men say that is. Do men have a word quota and keep a tally in their deluded minds? Why is it that the most attractive women are often confronted by men that look like they'll be panhandling in your local train station in a few years? Why do these crusty, mangy, vile men have such gumption?

Comments?

Rubik's Cube

This was not supposed to happen. I was not supposed to be into him all over again. I was not supposed to be smitten and all googly-eyed like this! I wrote about how to get over an a**hole, but apparently I really don't know because I'm not over him. I'm not over Metro. Just writing about him now has me grinning like a little b**ch.

I went to see him on Friday after Thanksgiving. Oh before I forget, I must fill you in on my Thanksgiving with B.S (the other a**hole that I got over successfully). I went over there, not as his date, but as the f**king cook. There was no romance there whatsoever. I wound up making the majority of the sides and all in attendance enjoyed the spread. All and all, I made the most of the situation and enjoyed myself. He went to bed before me and I joined him later that night; we cuddled and that was about it. He woke up to go to work and I went back home to Queens. I was content with doing absolutely nothing with him, because I know that he's not the one for me.

On Friday I went to spend time with Metro. I drove back out to BK and enjoyed my time with him..... That night we watched movies, cuddled and enjoyed each other's company. The following morning I was awakened by kisses all over my body - talk about sensual wake up call. Mmmm, I'm smirking a devious grin at the mere thought of
what was followed by those sensual kisses... He makes me smile, he makes me feel like a school girl, I really like him, but he's.......

He's like a Rubik's cube: He's complicated, yet challenging. He's complex, yet so simple (as I begin to learn him). I want to put him down because I keep getting frustrated, but he fascinates me and he holds my attention. He intrigues me and I am determined to solve this puzzle.

It's the simple things.... The simple things mean so much. After cuddling on the sofa while watching movies I fell asleep on his chest while he caressed my stomach. He made the bed and we both went into it at around. Although I wanted to do something, nothing went down, sleepiness set in....Why rush? - there was always the next day.

The next day came and I got what I wanted: Sensuality, tenderness, intensity and intimacy. My body and mind craved all of these things..... The question that I'm plagued with is why I had all of these things with the man I deemed an "a**hole" so few months ago.

My male friends read my pieces and tell me that Metro isn't all bad. From their constructive criticism I've come to learn that I do blow things out of proportion from time to time.

Could Metro be the one or am I just caught in a dreamworld?

Slid In With Humor... Will He Stay?

So this is his story.... He's not Caucasian, he's Hispanic (Puerto Rican to be exact), 36, divorced, a father to an 8 year old child and works for the post office. He dwells in my borough (in his own co-op) and has his own ride. Sweet. He's hilarious and very confident. He was born and raised in Harlem, lived in Brooklyn for a minute and now resides in Queens.

Here in lies the problem, he has money issues. Can someone please explain to me why men step to women knowing that they don't have the money to take them out? Here's a recap: We met Monday, November 10th and we've yet to go out on a date yet. We've spoken on the phone several times and I'm anxious to go out with him, but he's full of excuses. He works Wednesday through Sunday from 3:30pm to 11:30pm and on days that he doesn't work he's with his daughter. I took the initiative and proposed that we link up last night after he finished his shift. Do you know what this man said? "I would love to see you, but my money is tight. Black Friday tapped me out." What kind of s**t was that? I was so turned off!

At this point, I am sure that his jokes are going to get less and less funny because he's broke and I'm really not in the mood for broke men!

The Dating Game

I've been playing this game for the last two years. This is getting a bit monotonous at this point. I never thought I'd be one of those women to accept an invite to a social outing and ask "will there be men there?" - Ahhhhhhhhh, what has become of me? When did I become so, so desperate?

In continuation of the last piece: http://theinquisitive1.blogspot.com/2008/11/damn-it-man.html, that "somebody" never called. Here's the background on dude. As I was making my way to class last Wednesday (11/12) I met him. I had just gotten off the E train and was walking to school. I saw him (a white dude with flavor) on the phone in the distance. I played it cool when I walked by him, you know - couldn't show my desperation (lol.) As I neared him I saw him staring at me. I walked by and he said "hello." I shot a "hello" back his way and kept it moving. As I kept on walking I felt someone behind me. You know that feeling right; the feeling of someone behind you? Well I "felt" him so I took my earphones out of my ears to hear him ask "How are you miss?"... I stopped. I had nothing to lose at this point. He said "I just wanted to tell you you're fine and it's not because your black." After a brief giggle I replied "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He proceeds to tell me that he found me attractive and that he didn't want me to think that he was saying that because of my race. We exchanged formalities and I found out that his name was "J". He asked if he could get in contact with me later and I said that was cool. Actually I said "Sure, do you have a card of something?". He replied "No I don't have a card of sun-thin", in a joking mocking way. {Gentleman take heed - if you want to get a woman's attention, make her laugh. I guarantee you that you have your "in". To stay "in" you better not f**k it up by saying something inappropriate or rude!} He asked for my number and I gave it to him and walked away. That was Wednesday and today is Sunday. No call from J - ah well.....

I went to my cousin's birthday happy hour at Fashion 40 on Friday (11/14) and had a ball. I got my dance on, my drink on, but unfortunately, not my flirt on. Why you may ask? The reason: I walked in and saw the ratio of women to men, about 7:1 - wtf was I in Lucille Roberts (lol, shout out to "Cassie")? With a ratio like that what women would want to stay? Damn, I'm mad that I even wrote that! Back in the day I went out strictly to party with my girls, to dance, drink and bug out. When I went to Fashion 40 I actually hoped that I'd hit it off with a gentleman worthy of my time. The only dude I saw was dude from(http://theinquisitive1.blogspot.com/2008/09/lightning-struck-so-wherebut-it-didnt.html) and I was not trying to get reacquainted with him; He bought me the wrong SATC DVD (which is still in the glove compartment of my car in it's original wrapping). When the hell did I become such a prowler for new male company? What happened to the days of going out to just dance, drink and bug out with my girlfriends? Ahhh, I know what happened - birthdays.... I'm getting older and the proverbial biological clock is ticking!!!!! Tick tock tock!!!

I swear it's way easier for men to meet women than for women to meet men. Men have a slew of women literally throwing themselves at them, so all they have to do is take their pick. For women, the pickings are slim. We have to worry about whether or not the men are on the DL, married or in a relationship - that's only a quarter of the battle. If they have children we have to worry about "babymamadrama", whether or not he has a good job, has his own place and if has his own vehicle. I'm just getting started! We need know about his ambition, his goals, whether or not he's motivated, whether or not he wants to get married and whether or not he wants to have kids (if he doesn't already have offspring). I'm still going people!!! I think I'll touch on a biggie: Pipe game!!!! We have to worry about how sexually compatible that man is with us. We wonder, is he romantic? Is he into cuddling? Is he into spontaneous trips? Will he cook for me? Will he give me sensual massages without being prompted to do so? Is he considerate? I'm still going (I'm like that damn bunny huh?)! Is he cheap? Is he willing to go out of his way to treat me like a queen? Will he cherish me? Can he be trusted? Will he teach me new things? I could still keep going, but I won't because it won't end.

This dating game is insane....... Whoa, I took a break while writing this and received a phone call from Mr. Brown Sugar (for his history, see http://theinquisitive1.blogspot.com/2008/09/how-to-get-over.html). Is this the week of the a**hole? Hmmmmm...... 1st Metro (he called me last Friday, Monday & Tuesday - dayum!), now B.S. So what did he want? He wanted me to join him and his intimate circle of friends for his first Thanksgiving in his new condo. Awwww, I was shocked. I admit, I am a sucker! He asked that I get back to him by Monday...... I replied yes. I think it'll be a good time...... I'll let you know how that goes.

I spoke too soon! As I am finishing this piece I have to write about the latest developments. J called me yesterday while I was at work, but I was unable to speak. He sent me a text message this evening and I told him that I'd give him a call around 9ish so we can finally catch up. We spoke........ I'll fill you in in my next piece...

It looks like I'll be a player in this dating game for a while...... I sometimes have to ask myself, "Am I willing to trade in this single life for a relationship?" I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. In the meantime I'll continue to enjoy the scenic route.

Delusions of Grandeur

I've spoken about him time after time again. He's that sexy, tall, confident, romantic, smart ass that I can't seem to get enough of; Metro (http://theinquisitive1.blogspot.com/2008/09/how-to-get-over.html), I recently decided to not expect anything from him. I decided to no longer reach out to him because I became tired of the games that we've been playing: dating that leads to nowhere, petty arguments, month long hiatuses in communication, the "I'm-too-busy-to-see-you-weekends." Every girl has her limit.

Metro reached out to me via gmail IM last Thursday. Check this conversation out and tell me if I got it right when I listed him in the A**HOLE category!


Me: Hello
Metro: Ms Cunningham, how r u?
Me: I'm well thanks and yourself?
Metro: I am well
Me: cool
Metro: watching CNN checking emails
Me: Oh yeah CNN seems to be the talk of the day
Metro: great coverage
Me: Yes indeed. I will catch it when I go to catch lunch in a few. How was your night?
Metro: It was cool, watched CNN from 7pm until 1:30am
Me: gotcha. I didn't watch CNN, ch 4 - turned it off after Barack's acceptance speech. Very inspiring - very nice. McCain's concession speech was very graceful as well
Metro: I thought McCains speech was GREAT!!!!!
Me: totally
Metro: very impressed
Me: I concur
Metro: I sat there like wow
Me: word! K and I were in awe
Metro: thought you didn't care
Me: what? I never said that. I said that I am neutral. There's a difference. I don't participate but I do observe and respect what takes place.
Metro: A black man was involved, neutral is not an option
Me: Same thing for the pledging of allegiance
Metro: That means you don't care
Me: You're obviously disrespectful of my views. Whether or not a black man was involved has absolutely nothing to do with my religious beliefs. Period. Voting is a PERSONAL decision and one that should be private. I am elated for history being made, but I am and will forever remain neutral when it comes to politics
Metro: Melinda lighten the f**k up, things not always that serious
Me: Dude - Re-read what you wrote and then you lighten the F**K UP!!! Your mouth is too much sometime I swear
Metro: Never too much, you take things to damn serious
Me: I do not
Metro: I said I thought you didn't care. If that was disrespectful then I don't know what disrespest is
Me: You then proceeded to tell me that since a black man was involved that me being neutral wasn't an option
Metro: And that was disrespectful?
Me: You blatantly said that being neutral (my stand) was not an option. You didn't respect my decision to remain neutral you told me that being neutral was not an option.
Metro: You are fucking nuts
Me: Think about it from my perspective. You're an a**hole
Metro: I am not that high strung I can't
Me: We're tit for tat
Metro: Dude, its not this serious
Me: F**k you Metro. I mean that from the bottom of my heart
Metro: Can i see you tonight?
Me: no thank you, school
Metro: Come on, don't be like that
Me: Meant, nah - school
Metro: After school
Me: I'm not being like anything. You pissed me the f**k off just now. Your smugness is a bit much sometime. You know how you can get and I really don't care to see you
Metro: You think in a few hours you can change you mind
Me: Think before you share your opinions with highly opinionated people Metro. I'm not a psychic - don't know what the future holds
Metro: Holding grudges is not very Godly and I think we need to see each other
Me: I am not holding a grudge. I am simply worked up and I am not trying to see you in this state
Metro: This state means now
Me: This I know
Metro: 9 hours from now is different
Me: yeah yeah yeah
Metro: Come on, be a sport
Me: Had to get that last word out. Feel good about yourself now?
Metro: See what I mean
Me: You're too much. Charm goes but so far love
Metro: Lighten up, the last word is not even on my radar, all I want is a YES. Again, lighten up. No charm here. I WANT A YES PERIOD
Me: Well I don't give out a yes unless I am so inclined, that's what happens when you deal with a stubborn broad
Metro: So what time do you get out of class so I can meet you
Me: I get out of class at 8:30 and I don't want to meet you tonight
Metro: So 9ish
Me: You ticked me off - nope
Metro: 9:30ish
Me: No sir
Metro: So u serious?
Me: I am Metro
Metro: Ok (not type something so u can have the last word) now
**************************************************************

A few minutes later the dialogue continued....

Metro: You change your mind yet?
Me: I still hate you
Metro: that means yes(i am dancing a jig).
Me: what makes you think that means yes?
Metro: ummmmmm, because you are smiling
Me: Actually I'm not I'm stuffing my face with grapes and singing "My neck, my back" by Kia - that dirty woman!
Metro: I can handle that
Me: I see
Metro: Seriously I just to see you
Me: Wait - you can handle what? my singing, lol. Well I must be honest with you - My room is a mess and I need to clean it
Metro: ok Melinda catch you another time
Me: cool
Metro: My love

He just doesn't get it. Why do I even entertain this man? He's oblivious and quite content living in his narcissistic bubble.

The Devil Wears Multi-Colored Scrungies

Forget about that fashion forward b**ch in "The Devil Wears Prada", I work under the direction of a different evil God. She's a slovenly, hairy, underhanded, despicable, nosy, unprofessional woman. The mere sight of her disgusts me on a daily basis.

Day in and day out I am subjected to her negativity. With her, the glass is always half empty; the contents are always murky. Everyone is always "stupid" just because she deems the so. To make matters worse, we share a small office with absolutely no privacy.

It is shallow to criticize her attire, this I know, but we work in a shallow environment: A PR firm. Our colleagues (both young and older) traipse around the office in the newest, trendiest, fashion forward garments. Meanwhile, SHE parades around the office in Capri pants (no matter the season with socks and bright white sneakers). As if that weren't enough this devil doesn't put a razor to her gargantuan chubakaesque legs. Recently an impromptu meeting was held with a vendor, myself, my boss' boss and HER. The representative from the vendor kept staring at legs as if they were scaring her. The exposure of hairy shins in late October must have caught her off guard. She was probably not used to summer attire in mid-autumn. Neither am I; in mid-autumn, late autumn, early winter, mid-winter, late winter or early spring. However, I'm subjected to this unprofessional get up Monday -Friday.

Enough of the clothes I think I need to address her hairstyle. Can someone please tell me why she wears her hair in two: A ponytail on top - at the base, a poofy turquoise or purple scrungie. For the bottom, she freaks it with a braid and a different colored thin scrungie at the bottom. Wow! On some occasions she braids the top ponytail too - when she's going for that extra pizazz.

SHE has a visible mustache that adolescent boys would be jealous of, yet she does absolutely nothing about it.

I have offered on more than one occasion to make her over, but she declines incessantly. Ah well, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't force them to drink. I use that analogy for HER sake because she won't do anything she doesn't want to do. To be honest, I think she's depressed. I actually feel sorry for her. However, there are those times that she gets under my skin and makes me it crawl. When those instances arise, I have no sympathy for her whatsoever. As I write this I feel absolutely no remorse.

SHE made my work life a living hell for so many months; finally its over. I don't have to deal with her and her antics anymore. She's now the problem of someone else - Homer!

DAMN IT MAN!!!!!!!!!!!

This is not what I wanted to happen. What? Everything! How about I back track and go in order as opposed to buggin out the way I am now. I went to see about "Mr. MTA" and I was disappointed yet again. My fastidiousness kicked in and did not like what I saw: the dude behind the glass had braids, not dreads, braids. Anyone who knows me knows I'm over braids...

I went all the way back downtown to go and work my charm, but that never happened. I scrutinized him a bit more and realized that he wasn't all that attractive after all. It's all good, someone else has already stepped to me..... That posting is coming soon.....

Subway Stories # 6 - "Who Makes the First Move?"

I believe I previously stated the NYC subway system has become the new social scene to meet men right? As further proof of this quirky theory of mine check out how my week began people.

I had a serious case of "endoftheweekenditis" on Monday morning (especially with all the studying I'd done in preparation for my midterm that night), but I digressed and made it through a manic Monday. I was on the E Train reviewing my notes when the train pulled into the 34th Street Station. I was so into my notes that I didn't bother to notice the boarding passengers until - BAM! - directly in front of my face was the crotch of a man whose head was approximately an in inch shy of the ceiling. My interest was peaked........

He was chestnut-brown with a neatly trimmed beard and mustache - nice. Immediately my attention was drawn to his shoes, clean and big - check. Next, my eyes went to where all single women's eyes go, to his left hand. This checkpoint serves two purposes, to check the size of his hands (my "whore" of a sister {lol}taught me that this eludes to the size of the man's endowment) and the other, to check for a wedding ring. The ring was either MIA or he wasn't wed to anyone. Oh yeah, his hands could definitely palm a basketball with ease - wink, wink. Might I add that his nails were neatly manicured (a definite plus. Last checkpoint, his attire - very clean. The fit was proportionate to his tall physique. As Borat would say, "Very nice, very nice."

We made brief eye contact and in that brief moment my body said, "oohhlala". I went back to reviewing my note, but I could feel his eyes on me. After a few moments I found myself stealing glances here and there. While readjusting my legs I "accidentally" hit him (lol, a b**ch like me - shout out to "Taylor" - has tactics to get myself noticed). I apologized and flashed my pearly whites.

We pulled into Roosevelt and the female seated next to me got up, Chestnut-Brown sat down. He jammed to the music on his iPone and I jammed to mine on my iPod. I glanced at his music selection, "Life After Death - cool he likes hip-hop, ok. Next I see "Phrenology" by the Roots. At this point I saw that we had similar music taste.

We were almost at the last stop and I was secretly hoping that he didn't get off without saying anything. I was kicking myself for not having any of my business cards on me. I went back & forth debating whether or not I was going to say something to him. I decided that I was the moment I saw that he didn't get off at the penultimate stop.

As everyone in the car gathered their belongings I put a fresh application of my cinnamon lip shine and popped a piece of spearmint gum in my mouth. The doors opened and I exited before he did. My plan was to say something the minute we both made it up the escalator, but he beat me to the punch. I felt a tap on my back as I neared the next level; it was him handing me his business card. I took his card and waited for him to reach my level. I thanked him and told him that I was about to talk to him, but that he was too fast. I also added that I liked his confidence (it's a rarity for men to approach me since their so afraid of rejection). I extended extended my hand and we exchanged pleasantries, "My name is 'Melinda' and you are?" He replied, " 'Earl'." Since I was a rush to make it to class we didn't chat too long, but we spoke long enough for me to get his cell phone number.

I e-mailed him the following morning (Tuesday) from my work address and we agreed to take the communication to gmail chat. We exchanged jokes, comments and inquiries; all and all I think it went well. On Wednesday we agreed to meet on the 1st car of the E Train. I boarded the train (I stood directly across from the conductor's booth (since there were no seats available) and smiled as we pulled into 34th Street. Kool-Aid grin........ he smiled back at me as he boarded and walked over to me. Damn, he looked delicious and was even taller that I remembered; He towered over me (I found out he's 6'4").

The conversation flowed effortlessly and I didn't want it to end. Unfortunately, it ended a little too soon. I had to exit at Union Turnpike to transfer to the F.

I arrived home and thought to myself "I should ask him if he wants to go out for drinks" and did just that. I sent him a text message to invite him out, but just my luck - he had to get his kids settled (yeah I said KIDS, I'll get into that in a minute)and was unable to head out anytime soon. He said that he'd keep me posted and let me know when he'd be available. In that time frame a friend phoned me and came through, ah well - so much for chilling with Earl. My evening consisted of cooking, cracking jokes and watching television.

I spoke with Earl later that night (around 11)and discovered his deal: He's 36, has two children (a 3 y.o son and a 6 y.o daughter), recently purchased a two-family home with the mother of these children and they still dwell together (but not necessarily as one big family, or so he says), and lastly, they just broke up 3 months ago. So ladies and gentleman, you know me right? Wtf do you think I'm going to be telling him by this weekend? You guessed it, it's a wrap! - I'm not trying to get involved with someone in his predicament. I cannot lie, I am a bit bummed, but resilient.

I've already bounced back to another somebody. Last Friday, on my way to meet "Justin" at Cafeteria I saw a fine piece of sexual dark chocolate as I walked through the turnstyle. Our eyes locked: I looked at a MTA metrocard clerk. He was tall, mocha-brown, dreads tied up and gray eyes (which were real, they were so transparent I could see through them). We kept our intense gaze, but it quickly ended as I went to the left of the booth to exit. I made it a point to steal one more quick glance as I passed the side of the booth and to my surprise he was still checking me out.

Today after my work week ends I'm going back to that station. Here's my "G": "I saw you last week...." F**k it, I'm gonna' wing it! I'll let you know how that goes.....

How Do I Get Over My Fastidiousness?

My cousin calls it "Analysis Paralysis";An unofficial medical condition that plaques a lot of people (including myself). Sufferers of analysis paralysis think way too much and find it incredibly hard to just go with the flow. I dread this condition and would love to end this paralysis, but it's not that simple. I went from settling for anything to not settling for anything; one extreme to the next. What's wrong with me? As I stated in the latter part of my last post, "Offline", I constantly wonder "Am I too picky for my own good?"

There I was on my date with "Justin"; a guy that most would deem a great catch: Tall, attractive, chivalrous, romantic, funny, spontaneous, educated and affectionate. I should have been enjoying myself, but all I did was wish I was with another man (to be specific "Metro" or "Eyes" from my post "How To Get Over An A**hole"; men that are eye candy and make me say "damn" each and every single time I lay my pretty brown eyes on them. Nevermind the fact that I deemed both men a**holes, I still preferred their company.). Am I a glutton for punishment? Will I ever be able to let go of my shallow standards and just embrace a man that may not be the most gorgeous guy in the world, but one that would treat me like a queen?

I am trying to come to grips with my reality; I seem to never be satisfied when it comes to men. This is insane because a few short years ago I was in love with a slovenly, unambitious, charming, jack-a**. I settled because I thought that he'd change, but he didn't, so I did - I changed my status from "in a relationship" to "single"! I stopped settling.

While engaged in the dating game I became way too critical and harsh. If I didn't like something they got the boot; I was so afraid to settle again. I became so out of control that I would dismiss a man if the nail on his left pinky was crooked or one of his eyelash hairs were missing(not literally, but my fastidiousness was that bad).

Recently I've been in very deep thought and have been fearful that I'll wind up an old hag with cats as my companions. I have to stop this before I get anymore out of control! People I need the cure to analysis paralysis! After all, there will always
be something right? I need to face reality: no one is perfect.

In an attempt to turn over a new leaf I agreed to go out with "Justin" again (see "Offline" for a history)last Friday. We agreed to meet on the corner of 18th & 7th; Destination - Cafeteria, (http://www.cafeteriagroup.com) I was stoked since I'd heard so many nice things about this restaurant. We get inside and I ordered a glass of pinot grigio, him - water. Let the date begin!

Justin recommended that I order the meatloaf and garlic mashed potatoes, so I did since that sounded good (he ordered chicken and waffles). Our entrees arrived and I offered him a taste of my food - he gladly helped himself to my plate. After seeing the satisfaction on his face, I knew that the dish was good and I began to dig in. No-no #1, as I am eating my food, this lunatic helps himself to my plate, two more times (once for more meatloaf and again for potatoes)! He might as well have double dipped - wtf? I never swapped spit with him, so ytf would he think that I would be okay with this? Needless to say that I ate less than half my food because I was not about to eat anywhere near where he stuck his fork. Now that I think of it, he must have thought I wouldn't mind sharing with him since I allowed him to have a sip of my wine (I let him have a sip since he kept asking me so damn questions about it: "How's your wine?" "How's it taste?" "Is it good?" After the barrage of questions on the taste of my wine I felt like getting a f**king funnel and pouring the sh*t down his f**king throat!). He wanted to make a full evening and go see "W" in midtown, but I was not in the mood to be with him any further. I quickly concocted a lie and told him that I had to make it home due to another engagement. I suggested that we enjoy a drink together and make the most of our time at the restaurant; he agreed after expressing his disappointment and ordered a Long Island Iced Tea.

I wound up "babysitting" my glass of wine and eventually it became warm (I didn't bother finishing it). Justin finished his cocktail and I lost my patience. I suggested we order another round, but he declined (mmmmhhhhmmmm, his scrawny a** was twisted off of one L.I.T - lightweight!). I excused myself and went to the restroom. While making my way there, I ran into our waiter and asked "Can you tell that I'm not really into the guy I'm with?" He retorted "Girl, it's all over your face!" We exchanged a hearty laugh and I excused myself.

I made my way back to the table and prepared to gather my belongings, when no-no #2 was committed: Since I opted to leave the remainder of my wine in the glass he took it upon himself to finish it. Gross! This man drunk that warm glass of backwash after admitting to me a few minutes prior that he wasn't that into the taste of pinot grigio. I'm still grossed out at the sheer thought of that disgusting act!

Finally, we get to my train station. My F train breezd into the 14th St. train station and I was so thankful. I quickly gave Justin a hug and a kiss on the cheek. No-no #3 is committed: He reached in for a kiss on my lips. In a reflex I put my hand over his mouth and said "no". Words can't describe how bad I felt (since that reflex wasn't intentional), so I quickly gave him another kiss on the other cheek and another hug. He didn't let me go from the embrace and he went in again - no-no # f**king 4! This man must be the glutton for punishment that I thought I was. I avoided his lips and he said "stop ducking me." I apologized and told him that I had to go (the train doors had just opened up). As I said my good-byes I turned around to look at him and he looked insane!!!! He had that "I'll-show-you-sorry-alright look on his face. I made my exit and found comfort in the fact that I was on my way back to Queens - thank God!

Now for the icing on the cake. I had all intentions of calling him on Sunday to tell him that I thought we'd be better off as friends, but he beat me to the punch - OH HELL NO! Here is his exact Facebook message: "Friday was cool, after our first date I REALLY thought we had great rapport....joking around and stuff. the chemistry was definitely there, I even think I had you on my mind a little too much lol. "Melinda" I like your company maybe we should just be friends." To that I responded: "I was going to actually suggest the same thing... I felt chemistry with you, as a friend. You're a great guy, but perhaps we're just not clicking like that, you know? Either way, I thank you for being the epitome of a gentleman and showing me parts of NY that I've never seen!" I had to let him know that I NEVER saw him like that; perhaps it was an ego thing - whatever. The ending of my "Internet Love" is this: we are going to remain friends and I'm okay with that.

Now back to my dilemma: How do I get over my fastidiousness? One day at a time, step by step - it's going to happen - or else I'll stay single - with cats, lol

Offline

I went offline on Friday, October 10th. I met him ("Justin") on the corner of Broadway and Fulton. He looked just like his pictures so I was pleased. We exchanged kisses on the cheek and embraced in a warm hug, the date began.

We walked leisurely, enjoying the sights along the way until we reached the South Street Seaport. The conversation flowed effortlessly and I found that to be so refreshing (It's an annoying task to carry a conversation). The weather was unseasonably warm so we made the most of it, we stayed outside. We made our way to the benches by the water and engaged in conversation as the sun began to set (what a perfect back drop!). Dusk set in and we were off to the next destination - Where? I had absolutely no idea; The element of surprise kept me on my toes.

We took the L train to 6th Avenue and I followed him to "The Crocodile Lounge". Once inside, I did not feel the scene; the sound of "bang-your-head-into-the-nearest-wall rock music and people screaming at the top of their lungs was not a combination I wanted at that particular moment. When Justin saw my disgruntled visage he suggested we find another spot. How nice, a man who paid attention to the small stuff, like his dates face. We walked up the block to Gray's Papaya for hot dogs and sodas; I felt like a teenager. This date was innocent and I was really enjoying myself. After our meal we decided to try the lounge again and this time we stayed. The music changed and the crowd thinned out so we "cozied" up in a corner. One Sex On The Beach and a Long Island Ice Tea later I realized I was not into him at all. He was a gentleman and very sweet guy, but I just wasn't into him. I did what all ladies do, I excused myself and went to the restroom. While inside my fingers went to work! I sent a mass text out that said, "I'm not into him" to about five girlfriends; about three friends responded. I didn't realize how long I'd been in the restroom until a friend "texted" some sense into me; "Get back out there before he thinks you're taking a dump." - Oh sh*t! I looked at my Blackberry and realized I'd been in the restroom for about 10 minutes.

I went back out and quickly concocted a lie for my long stay in the restroom, "I was checking in on my mom. I had to make sure she was feeling better". Luckily, the excuse was swallowed by him and the date continued. I sipped some more of my cocktail and noticed that he'd just about finished his: Balls On! All of a sudden Justin says "My cheek is a little dry". I gave him a kiss, reluctantly. He was obviously way more into me more than I was into him. Don't get me wrong, I was enjoying myself, but the 'click' just wasn't there, you know?

Before I knew it, we were off to our final destination, another surprise. We exited at West 4th Street and I found myself on line for The Fat Black Pussycat/Village Underground. Sweet! I was excited since I attempted to get into this establishment a few years back, but the venue was full. We descended down the stairs and found seating to the right of the stage. The live band proceeded to jam and I was caught up in the music. Justin kept trying to hold my hand I didn't get it. James Brown's, "I Got The Feeling" was being played and he wanted to hold my hand, WTF? Icing on the cake, the waitress comes over to inform us that there was a two-drink minimum. I told Justin that I'd take the cheapest glass of wine on the menu (I wasn't really in the mood to drink so wine would have been fine for me). He retorts "You mind if I get soda?" I have no idea why he asked me, it's his body..... He put the drink order in and said "I placed an order for two sodas, we're not really gonna drink anymore tonight, right?" I told him that that was cool. However, I peeped game. He didn't have the money to pay for alcoholic beverages, which is all good, but why the hell did he just ask me if I minded if he got a soda? I hate to be mean, but why would he take me all over NYC and not have ample money to pay for things?

The band jammed on and before I knew it the clock was approaching 11 o'clock. Since I had to truck it all the way back to Queens, I told Justin I thought it'd be best to call it a night. Prepare yourself for the sweetest display of chivalry: He told me that he'd get me home; he was prepared to take the F train all the way to the last stop with me and then walk me to my car. He was then going to turn right back around and take the 2 hour train ride to the last stop in Brooklyn: Coney Island. Awwwww! I was touched. I knew that I wanted the date to end right then and there so I declined his offer to escort me home (of course I did it in a nice way).
While exiting the lounge, the singer and saxophonist had made their way off stage and proceeded to walk through the crowd to get the audience involved. We crossed paths with them. The singer goes "Yall are leaving? You're going to have sex aren't you." In my mind I was like "Dude, you have no idea how wrong you are?", but out loud I said "Nope, we're gonna call it a night - Night!"

We walked to the West 4th train station and he waited until the F train pulled into the station. The moment finally arrived: The awkward moment - the goodnight. I didn't want to kiss him on the lips because (1) His lips were slightly chapped and
(2) The connection just wasn't there. The date ended the same way it began, with a warm embrace and a kiss.

While driving home I became lost in my thoughts. Am I just too picky for my own good?????

How to Get Over............

an A**HOLE!!!! I'm rolling my eyes at the sheer thought of the a**holes that I've dealt with in my life. Before I go any further I think it'd be best that I define what an a**hole is. According to dictionary.com an a**hole is " a stupid, mean, or contemptible person." To go further, a contemptible person is "despicable"." With a definition like this why the hell would a person want this person in their life? Why the f*ck were these a**holes in mine? The answer: They served a purpose; they filled a void. They warmed up the other side of the bed. They wined and dined me. They made me feel so damn good and then, so damn bad!

Now you may be asking yourself "What makes an a**hole an a**hole?" Well my dear friends, the criteria is vast - too vast to specify. How about I just write about my personal experiences and let you draw your own conclusion as to what makes an a**hole an a**hole.


First A**hole up, I'll call him "Metrosexual" or "Metro" for short. He's the kind of man that is used to women drooling over him (and men too for that matter). He looks like he just walked off the runway (which isn't too far fetched considering he used to model) every time I see him. {I'm smiling hard and giggling like a little b*tch as I type this}. His smile could illuminate NYC should we have experience another blackout (knocking on wood). Okay, now where was I? Oh yeah, Metro's traits: Intelligent, worldly, confident, practical and suave. At this point you're probably wondering where the a**hole part comes in right? Well, let me lay it on you. He's uber fastidious, flaky, extremely judgemental and the epitome of a no-it-all. We often bumped heads because we're two highly opinionated people. Don't get me wrong, it's cool to debate every once in awhile, but when those debates turns into constant bickering then you have a problem - one that needs to be solved. The last time I saw him we had a good time, but then he disappeared, for weeks.We had tentative plans to see a movie the following week and he didn't even let a sista know! No phone call, no e-mail, no text, no nothing. I stopped calling him and low and behold he came back around. His trifling a** left me a voicemail saying "I'd like to take you to see that new Spike Joint, that is unless one of your boyfriends took you"............ Why do men beat around the bush like that? Why can't they just came out and say what they want? I called him and played the game, I acted like I didn't notice the cessation of communication. I told him that I'd already seen the movie (I didn't) and that when my schedule cleared up I'd call him. Ha! I got the last laugh on that metrosexual jack-a**!


Next jerk up, "Brown Sugar" or "BS" (oh my, how fitting those initials are for him! He's so full of it that he reeks it!). BS is my match and then some. He possesses the gift of gab, is extremely charming, a great dancer & well endowed (you do the math), dark chocolate in complexion, very ambitious, confident, intelligent, tall and always up for something new. Yeah, yeah, yeah, all those things sound great, but here in lies the problem. He's flaky (notice a trend here? A person who cannot keep their word is a pet peeve of mine. Don't talk about it, be about it!). Additional a**hole traits include the complete lack of communication skills with the female sex, not affectionate enough and is too impatient. Despite all this, my dumb ass recently had dinner with him and enjoyed myself. To go one step further, I saw him last night and he made me smile all day at work (you know only one thing can do that - intense bible study!!! LOL - seriously, you know what gives you that glow!;). He's the man that would be able to get me off my deathbed in an instant because I know with him I'll experience a great time.


Last man up to bat, "Eyes". He's been the topic of discussion in quite a few of these blogs,"Soul mates Dissipate...." and "Sex & Men" (does that not tell you how magically delicious I think he is?- and I'm not talking about that scary a** eerie looking leprechaun looking for his pot of gold). Where do I begin? He's a man's man, has the body of a God, smooth skin, intelligent, romantic, extremely generous, considerate, adventurous, confident and funny as hell. This is the man that would have my hand in marriage tomorrow if he'd vow to commit to me the way I want him to - but he won't (and that's what makes him an a**hole). He knows that he's fine and acts accordingly. He juggles women around like he's the headline clown for the Barnum & Bailey Circus.

So how does one get over an a**hole? (1) You come to grips with reality and accept the fact that they're a**holes who will not change unless THEY WANT TO. Period. So ladies, get over that crap about changing your man into the man you want him to be. I tried to do that sh*t for too long, but to no avail. That boy is now the problem of someone else. (2) Let your a**hole in your life know that you have better things to do than to wait for them to come around. What's that saying, "Never make a man your priority when all you are is an option." I've noticed from personal experience that men like a chase. Some chase you until they get what they want and still want to pursue a relationship. A**holes chase you until they get what they want and stop paying you the same attention. The trick is to pay them no attention, they'll come around with all their bullsh*t when they wanna play another game of cat and mouse.
(3) Cry your eyes out until your eyes are dried out. Crying is both empowering and therapeutic. You scrutinize the situation you're in at that exact moment and learn from it. You fester in that moment and make a personal vow to yourself to never put yourself in that situation again so that you won't hurt like that again.

Ultimately, getting over what you define as an a**hole takes time and everyone has their own healing mechanisms. What's yours?

Dare To Be Bold!

This piece was inspired by a few friends. These girlfriends of mine all are in search of boldness and I'm here to share my ideas on how they and my readers can DARE TO BE BOLD!!!!

"Cassie", called me a few days ago and told me that I needed to train her. Here I am racking my brain with what she was talking about until she proceeded to tell me..... Wendy's was the meeting place. Cassie sat down to eat her lunch and BAM, there he was, a fine specimen of a man. They made eye contact and it was obvious that they were into each other, but no one took the initiative to spark a conversation.

"Rachael", is a giving, dear and genuine person. Unfortunately, these are the kind of qualities that people take advantage of far too much. Rachael informed me she goes 30 minutes out of her way on an almost daily basis to drive her co-worker home. This ungrateful b*tch never even offers a dime for gas! WTF?!? To make matters worse, one night last evening Rachael left work early due to illness and this demanding co-worker of hers insisted that she come back for her! Sadly, Rachael went and regretted doing so.

"Dana", recently informed me that she was working on getting herself out there and being more assertive. She's a doll of a woman, but she's still finding a way to get more comfortable in social settings.

"Cynthia" is in love with a gentleman, but can't find the nerve to tell him. I mean she is in LOVE with him, to the point that her eyes well up with tears at just the sheer mention of his name. I think action needs to be taken, but who am I to force her.

To acquire boldness you need a few things. First up: CONFIDENCE: . Girlfriends, confidence is the first quality that needs to be added to your personal list of qualities. "Cassie" knew that if I were in her shoes while in Wendy's I would have told that man that I was interested and that I would have given him my phone number. My thing is this, what's the worse I'll hear, no? So the f**k what!! Life goes on and the earth will still keep spinning! Confidence can get the most unconventionally unattractive person noticed. Case in point, there's a Dominican dude in Walgreens that always gets my attention. He's about 100 pounds overweight, but his swagger is up. I went in Walgreens this morning for a few toiletries and saw him. Wouldn't you know that he gave me his number? The funny thing is, his weight is the last thing I thought about when I was face to face with him. His confidence and smile made me pocket his number; if we don't hook up romantically perhaps a friendship can blossom, you never know ;).

Next up, Assertiveness: . An assertive person conveys their message in a calm and confident way all the while maintaining eye contact and sounding in control. When men (that you're interested in) are confronted by an assertive, confident women, their interest is peaked! That's half the battle, you're in there! Work the charm that's innate in you ladies! Women have a way with the said and unsaid; we have a way with words and with body language. Use it! If you find that the person you're speaking to is not interested, don't fret. You may not his type and that's okay. There are other men out there, go on to the next guy!

Next, High Self-Esteem: . When an individual has high self-esteem it shows. They're not fixated on the negatives, but on the positives. Those with high self-esteem have come to the realization that they are not perfect (just like the rest of society) and they embrace their imperfections. I recall watching an episode of the Tyra Banks show and she advised her guest to look in the mirror on a daily basis to find one thing about themselves that they loved. She then proceeded to to tell this individual to add one new thing to that list once a month, for twelve months; Before they knew it, they'd have 12 things. This is a great way to start appreciating the great traits about yourself.

Finally, Laugh At Yourself: .
Laughing at yourself is cool and often causes others to laugh as well (unless you're just straight up crazy). A person who doesn't mind being the butt of a joke often exudes confidence. Take me for example, I was walking down the stairs in Grand Central Station without a care in the world when OOPS! My right heel caught in the left cuff of my pants and I fell down a few stairs, lol. Thankfully, the bannister I held onto for dear life broke my fall. I laughed hysterically and got up & proceeded to walk like I was still the s**t!

The point of this entire piece is that CONFIDENCE goes a hell of a long way. It can get you noticed by those who wouldn't necessarily give you the time of day. How else do you think beautiful woman wind up with unconventionally attractive men (who aren't rolling in dough) or vice versa? Confidence! Acquiring confidence takes some time (believe me I know since I had my bouts with it), but once it's acquired you'll notice the difference and so will those around you.

Ladies, get out there, try something new (a makeover, a dance class, a cooking class, etc.) and in the process learn something new about yourself and fall in love with it. Dare to be bold and I guarantee you, others will notice it too!

Internet Love

I found a prospective man, on the Internet of all places! Me being the skeptic that I am, was totally against Internet dating until a few months ago. I was against it because I thought there was a stigma associated with Internet dating, that stigma being the person using the Internet to find romance can't find it in the conventional way, in person. Besides that, you know what the consensus is about Internet love, there are all types of weirdos lurking there.

I had an experience with match.com that I didn't particularly take seriously. Two dear cousins, along with a mutual friend of one of my cousins decided to take a chance and used this website as an outlet to find love.

My cousin, "Jasmine", landed a cute guy (really cute), but that didn't last too long - NEXT! Our mutual friend, "Gaby", wound up communicating with a few men, but never really hit it off with anyone in particular. My other cousin, "Morgan", hit it off with someone. He was tall, dark and handsome (you know, what just about all of us want), educated and packin' (a big D that is - something else we all want). To top it all off, he was the owner of his own property, ching ching, JACKPOT! It seemed as though my dear Morgan had found her Mr. Right, WRONG! This dude was nothing more than a pretentious narcissist, NEXT! As for me and my match.com experience, where do I begin?

I didn't go into this new adventure with a defeatist attitude, but rather with an open mind so my expectations weren't too high. I wasn't asking for much, but Damn! I swear to God, almost all the men on this site are 5'8" or shorter, WTF? I'm 5'7" without shoes and 5'10" or taller with them. Therefore, I don't like short men and neither do my shoes. Sidebar: I sound a bit fastidious huh? Oh well! Needless to say I didn't really hit it off with anyone on match.com and the experience was no "skin off my back."

Besides match.com I gave Myspace a chance and boy was that a joke! I received a friend request from a gentleman. I found him attractive so I made him my "Myspace friend". We started communication over the Internet and after about two days we exchanged phone numbers. The vibe was cool offline so I suggested we meet in person. We met in Midtown and I was impressed - impressed that this man knew magic! How else could he make himself look so good online and so not good offline? He used his magical powers to lure me to Midtown that faithful night, but while in front of him he annoyed the hell out of me. After speaking with him for a few moments I knew that date was going to be over within two hours. I suggested we go to a local Cuban restaurant and do you know what this dude said? He told me that he just paid his rent and phone bill. I know good and well that I didn't ask him that, but I peeped his game. He was letting me know in so many words that he didn't have enough money to pay for my meal. It was all good. I spared him the embarrassment and proposed that we go Dutch this time around. While we dined I couldn't help but think how unsure he seemed of himself. He kept telling me how he couldn't believe I was single. I felt like saying, "believe it dumb ass", but I refrained from being rude. I ended the date off by telling him that it was getting rather late and that I'd better get home. We parted our separate ways and severed ties soon after. That was the end of my Myspace dating.

Onto the new phenom, e-Harmony. You've probably seen the great commercials for this website. It seems that there are a heap of couples who not only found love, but made commitments to each other in marriage. Someone very near and dear to my heart found love here. She found the best guy she's dated to date. Not only am I excited for her, but I'm excited for myself! To see someone so close to me find love after searching for a little while is refreshing. It makes me believe that love is still out there for the taking. "Tyler" has had a smile on her face since she's met him and that makes me happy. Tyler suggested I try e-Harmony, but I declined. I told myself that I wasn't going to look for love, it was going to find me.

Coming full circle, I started communication with someone on Facebook and it's been going exceptionally well. We share a mutual friend and that's probably the only reason I gave him a chance. He "poked" me and I decided to send him a message. After about a week of back and forth e-mails I am interested. He's ambitious, in school pursuing his masters in architecture, tall, funny, attractive and intriguing. I find myself actually looking forward to receiving his messages. I will see how the next few days go and I may just propose that we speak on the phone. Who knew? He made the first move by "poking" me and I may make the next move.... Stay tuned, I hope our first date isn't like "Lightning Struck Again, So Where's the Electricity", ha!

Soul Mates Dissipate...... Then Reconnect (If You're Lucky)

Here I am again, but how did I get here? I reached out to the man who I know in my heart of hearts is my soul mate (see "Missing: Have You Seen Genuine Love". I'm happy to report that he met me on the corner of Memory Lane & Good Times Boulevard a few weekends ago.....

Before I speak of that night I need to rewind. In early 2008 he fell off the face of the earth and left me speechless. The cessation of communication hurt my mind, body and soul for months. It took me a long time to get over him. I moped around the house like my dog died (and I don't even have a canine companion). I racked my brain and constantly wondered why we didn't work out. Was it something I did? Was I too demanding? Too dramatic? Too moody? Was it another women? What was it? To get over him I kept telling myself that it was his loss. I told myself that if we were meant to be, we would be.

After about two months I decided to reach out. I called him to say hello, but to my dismay his phone was disconnected. So much for reaching out. I took that as a sign and decided to move on with my life. However, I soon realized that it was easier said than done. I couldn't just walk away from the man who made me feel like no other man ever has. The man restored my belief in love!

My curiosity caused me to dial his phone number one day to see if his phone was still out of service... To my surprise it wasn't! He answered and I lost my voice. I quivered at the tone of his voice. His "hello" made me weak, JESUS! "Hello" he said again and then the quivering subsided. I felt anger, so I hung up. Why the hell didn't he call me? If he wanted to talk to me, he would have reached out when his phone service was restored. I sat there for a few moments and absorbed the fact that I'd just heard his voice after so many months. That moment came and went and I soon forgot about it.

A few weeks later I was at work zoning out to my tunes when "Here Without You" came on the Internet radio website, Pandora.com. I froze dead in my tracks and sat there in glee. I reminisced about our good times and how I'd feel when he'd serenade me. I took a chance, I e-mailed him. I kept it short and sweet. To my surprise he answered my e-mail later that evening. He gave me the answers to all of the questions that kept me up at night, that had me moping around for so many weeks, that had me down in the dumps. He told me that he knew he couldn't give me the attention or time that I deserved, so his conscious wouldn't let him continue to see me. My mind was at ease. No more wondering if I'd been the cause of our break-up anymore.

We agreed to meet up when he came back in town a few weeks later. He came by on a rainy Friday evening and we caught up. I opened the door and we embraced for a minute. Damn he felt good. His arms were strong and his scent was intoxicating. He looked like a caramel sundae with whipped cream and a cherry on top. I wanted to lick him, but I kept my composure and acted like I'd just seen him. We engaged in a gentle kiss and I proceeded to invite him into my apartment.

We caught up; talking and all that jazz. We caught up sexually too and the mountains did not move for me. He was oblivious before and he seemed to be even more oblivious that night. It's sad, especially because I care about him so much. I guess I shouldn't fret huh? After all he can be taught.. He's not too old to learn new things, provided he's up for my constructive criticism... We shall see in due time.

Fast forward to last night, out of the blue he texts me to ask if he can cook for me. Uh oh.... My "spidey" senses have kicked in. I'm wondering what the hell he REALLY wants (aside from the obvious). Should I let him back into my heart? Will this time be different? Or will he leave me out to dry again? The common sense in me tells me to run away, but the hopeless romantic in me is strapped in an emotional roller coaster and I'm ready to take a ride... Damn.

Lightning Struck, So Where's the Electricity?

Last night was my second date with that gentleman from the train (See, Lightning Srikes Again). We agreed to meet at one of my fav Thai restaurants in Soho, Peep. I walked in the door and he was sitting at the bar. Can we say YUCK? It's official I don't like him! I feel bad. I came to the realization that there was no chemistry whatsoever the second we embraced in a hug. His face lit up when he saw me and mine, well let's just say that I had to do my best not to turn around and run out the door in my 3 inch heels.

Don't get me wrong he's a nice guy but, he just doesn't do it for me. As the the hostess led the way to the table I was more excited to order my meal than engage in conversation with him. I quickly put in my order for a glass of chardonnay (I needed to be buzzed to proceed with my Academy award winning performance - I can't let him know that I'm not into him).

After placing our appetizer and drink order, he told me that he had a gift for me. Keep in mind the lighting was dim, so it was easy for my eyes to play tricks on me. He reached into his briefcase and took out a light teal bag with a black bow. Yes ladies, I was thinking he went there! "OMG OMG OMG, this lunatic bought me something from Tiffany's?" LOL, yes I was definitely freaking out. I had to refocus my eyes to realize that I became excited for a Duane Reade gift bag (I think I may need to get another eye exam very soon). I open the white tissue paper and am greeted by the Sex & The City DVD. I was thoroughly excited because SATC is one of my fav shows. How thoughtful - but wait, it wasn't even the right one! I wanted the extended version and he bought me the regular version. I guess I should have been grateful right? Wrong! I was fuming inside! In my mind I'm like "I wonder if it would be rude to ask him to exchange this version for the extended version". I thought some more and said "That's like getting proposed to and asking your significant other to get you a platinum diamond engagement ring as opposed to the white gold diamond he's just put on your finger."

I smiled as if the date was ending and said "Aww, thanks! This was very sweet of you." He looked at me like he was waiting for something in return. His eyes focused on my lips. I took that as my cue to kiss him on the cheek before he tried his luck at kissing me on the lips (that was so not going to happen).

The drinks come (thank God for inebriation) and the date continued. The conversation flowed and we exchanged personal experiences about love, relationships & shared interests. The main course came and I thoroughly enjoyed my meal. As the date continued I sat across from him analyzing, scrutinizing and ripping him apart. I realized that I was thoroughly distracted by his goofiness. He seems a bit unsure of himself. The tone of his voice was annoying the hell out of me. I felt like ordering a glass of testosterone for him to guzzle down. He wasn't man enough for me.

We left the restaurant and made our way to the train station, final destination, Queens. We made it safely to my car and I dropped him off at his place. We engaged in more conversation and time flew by. Before I knew it, it's minutes to 10:30 and I'm getting restless. Here it is.... The awkward moment, the dead silence. Its time for him to get the f*ck out of my car, but he lingered there. He looked at my lips, I looked at his his. I go in, and give him a kiss.... on the cheek! I know he wanted to taste my lips, but my lips didn't want to be tasted by his, so I didn't allow it. The way he ogled me I expected him to start salivating. He made me feel like he was staring at a steak dinner and he hadn't eaten all day. Ewww!

He left my car and I made it home in about 10 minutes. The last thought on my mind for the night was "I wonder if they still have the extended version of SATC at FYE". Needless to say lightning may have struck, but it didn't shock me into love. Can't wait for the next thunderstorm!

Subway Stories (#5) - Lightning Strikes Again

Well, well, well. Lightning has struck again my friends. Who knew that morning rush hour turned into the new happy hour? Well, at least it has for me. There I was sitting there directly across from the door operators booth when the train pulls into the station. The doors open and in walks a couple dressed to the tee. The man was dressed in a navy blue pin-stripped suit and the woman was clad in all black, the couple looked sharp! The woman was fortunate enough to get a seat, but he wasn't. He stood directly in front of her, showing chivalry (which at this day and age is pretty much non-existent). All of a sudden the eyes behind his shades are peering into the eyes behind my shades.....

My interest is peaked. I am intrigued as hell and I want to know how those eyes look without those shades. I begin to scrutinize him. He is tall, milk chocolate brother with a bald head. Hmmm, I see swagger, he exudes confidence and I like that. I behave myself and avoid eye contact, after all he's with someone. The train proceeds towards down the tunnel and I feel his eyes on me. It's hard to avoid eye contact, but I make a valiant effort to fight the temptation. The train slowly begins to empty out and before I know it his stop is here, 34th street. As he exits he is caught in a trance. He stares at me so hard that as he proceeds to walk off the train the doors close in his face. At this point I laugh out loud and break the proverbial ice.

He walks towards me and tells me how embarrassed he is. I'm too busy laughing to think about how he must have felt. When the laughter stops I reassure him that he has nothing to be embarrassed of. He offers to escort me to my stop and I let him. In that short distance I learn his name and profession. I accepted his business card and bid him adieu.

The next day I took a chance, I e-mailed him and gave him my phone number. To my my pleasant surprise we have a lot in common and I find it refreshing. I took a chance and it led me to dining with him at a Cuban restaurant later in the week. I took a chance and it had me partying in the meatpacking district in the middle of the week. I took a chance and it had me laughing and enjoying myself. I took a chance and wound up exploring a part of NYC that I never knew existed. I'm taking another chance and will be seeing this man from the train next week for dinner.

This time lightning struck twice and I'm glad that it shocked some gumption into me!

Suway Stories (#4) - "Psychopath Alert"

After the treat of an extended weekend I made it into work ahead of schedule. I wound up having to transfer to another train during my commute this morning. In the process of transferring I came across a rather odd man.

Here I was minding my own business walking down the platform when this "Looney Tune's" eyes were locked on my every move. I noticed this and was sure to use my peripheral vision. As I stood on the edge of the platform looking down the tunnel for light from the ongoing train I glanced to my left. "Psycho Man" was about 10 feet from me. I felt safe. Great! I see the lights! I take a step back and wait for the train to come to a complete stop. As I get ready to go into the door, wouldn't you know it, this lunatic made sure he came into my car!

He sits directly across from me and ogles me for the next 2 stops. At this time I got a good look at him (you know, just in case I had to describe him in detail to the authorities). He was balding, yet that didn't stop him from having hair touch his back. You see, this man had a Homer Simpson going on up front and in the back, he was working with Rapunzel. WTF? Who told him that looked nice? Probably the voices in his head. He had on a gray button up shirt that he was perspiring through. Faded black trousers and a black shoes. To top this off, he had on glasses that could substitute for coke bottle bottoms. The shade of the lens were an off yellow. Eerie. Creepy. I am afraid. I am VERY afraid.

He looks me up and down and I made it my business to not make direct eye contact with him. As you know, it's in your best interest to never make eye contact with a crazy person, because you invite them. Invite them to talk to you and invite them to leer at you even more. When I did catch him looking at me, I also noticed him licking his lips. In my head I'm like "This motherf*cker thinks I'm Little Red Riding Hood and he's the wolf. I think he wants to eat me, LOL." My stop comes. To my dismay, it's his stop too. I made it a point to not exit before him. I didn't want his perverted ass looking up my dress as I walked up the steps. I make it above ground, all the while I'm making sure I keep my distance from him.

As I make my way into work I laugh to myself and think that I could have been a bit paranoid. Maybe, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. You never know who's lurking on the subways of NYC.

Subway Stories (#3) - "Train Erotica"

It started off like any other day. I found a little standing room on the platform edge so that I could weasel my way to the door when the train came to a stop. The doors open and the game of musical chairs begins; only thing there is no music (unless you count the ubiquitous iPod in just about everyone's possession). I take my seat and glance around the train for a moment. My eyes stop on one man in particular. He's seated diagonally across from me. What caught my eye was the distinct black & white cord stemming from his earphones, Bose headphones. Our eyes locked momentarily and I broke the awkward stare. It's possible that I caught his eye as well because I also had the same black & white cord stemming from my earphones.

As the train goes down the tunnel towards it's final destination of Brooklyn, the train slowly starts to get crowded. I zone out to my tunes and before I know it there is barely enough standing room in the train car. I open my eyes and notice that this mystery gentleman is now standing across from me, in front of the door. Again, our eyes made brief contact and I thought nothing of it. I close my eyes again to mellow out before the hectic day begins, when suddenly I'm awakened by something tapping on my legs repeatedly; it's the cloth briefcase of this mystery man. At first I didn't bother me, I simply readjusted my legs so that the briefcase didn't hit me anymore. This was the perfect solution, that is until the briefcase began to go in between my legs. This bag was at the point of invading my personal space so I had to say something. I kindly moved his bag so that it didn't touch me. We made eye contact again and he genuinely apologized.

Moments later my eyes pop open so that I can see how close the train was to Manhattan. The mystery man took this as his opportunity to make his move. This bold, hot and sexy Latino came close enough to my ear to kiss it. He said "I hope you don't think I'm being to forward, but I think you're very attractive." Me being the polite person that I am, thanked him and smiled. He bends down again; "I would love the opportunity to take you out sometime." At this point, he peaked my interest. The bass in his voice, the audacity to invade my personal space, the sweet scent of his cologne, the height and sexiness he possessed all put me into overdrive. With a question like that posed by a very attractive man, what do you think I said? Well you're wrong, my dumb ass said "No thank-you, I have a boyfriend." Can someone please tell me whadafuc was on my biscuit?

He took his rejection like a man and was very understanding. He then bends down to ask me how I look without my shades. I retort "good." - No "wouldn't you like to know", no "damn good", no "delicious"; no snazzy, smart ass answer. I just said "good" (Damn I had an off day)! He bends down one last time and says "I guess that'll remain a mystery to me. I guess your man knows." All I could do was smile and "kick" myself in the ass for constructing such a lie. I haven't had a boyfriend in years, so why the hell did I allow this opportunity to pass me by?

With high hopes, I boarded the same train this morning and took the seat that I took yesterday. I looked diagonally across with high hopes of seeing him again. To my dismay the mystery man with the black & white headphones wasn't going my way. Who knows if I'll meet him again, but if I do he'll no longer be a mystery.