Eff the 3 strikes! Some people f**k that up the opportunity to get to three strikes by doing something so inconsiderate, so selfish, so audacious, so… so…. them. When a person shows you their true colors, memorize every single hue. The vividness. The brightness. The contrast. The sharpness. Store that sh*t in your mental rolodex, because it is a taste of what is in store for you (should you consider dealing with that person again).
I know it’s been a long time since I’ve written (and I'm sorry), but I’m back! Not necessarily on a weekly basis, but definitely on a monthly one (it’s a start right?). Now, back to people striking out!
Picture this: You’re out partying with your girls and you meet a gentleman. A tall, modelesque, gentleman with smooth coco skin, (the kind of coco that’s mixed with just the right amount of milk – the perfect brown hue) who can dance his a** off. Sidebar: You know what they say about men who can dance… I’m just saying... I digress, back to what I was saying.
If you’re a girl after my own heart, a man with dancing skills entices you and makes you want to dance in the future with this man. To ensure this, I turned on my charm and introduced myself formally to him. “Soo, we've been dancing this entire time, what's your name? Ahh, nice to meet you Greg, I'm Penny and I'd like to keep in touch.” With that we exchanged phone numbers and continued dancing.
Fast forward to our first date, complete spontaneity (which I love). Here's how the evening started... I sat on my couch in the living room on that Tuesday evening (ehhh, can’t recall the exact time, but it was no earlier than 5:00pm and no later than 7:00pm) and Greg popped in my mind. Even though I can’t recall the time, I can damn sure recall how hot and miserable I was at very moment. I sat as still as a deer caught in the headlights, in a desperate attempt to remain cool and survive one of the many heat waves we’ve been experiencing over the course of the summer. I felt like I was being punished for all the wrongdoings I’d ever done in my life. As if the Devil himself was breathing his hot inferno-esque hot breathe on my body... On my soul. Needless to say, I was sweating like a fat kid chasing after the ice cream truck because he'd needed extra sprinkles on his vanilla cone.
A few days had passed since our last conversation and I was in the mood to chat at that particular moment. I picked up my cell and gave him a buzz. I was greeted with enthusiasm and I greeted him in the same fashion. I proposed that we make a run to the beach to take a walk and have a talk on the boardwalk as the sun was setting, but he had other plans. He had plans to attend an event in Harlem (by himself). Since I happened to call when I did he wound up inviting me.
This event was slated to start approximately one hour from the exact moment he invited me so I had to hurry up and get ready. I hopped in a lukewarm shower, and ironed a black linen romper (wanted to look cool, yet sexy). I grabbed a pair of nude 4” peep toes pumps(to dress up my ensemble), applied some makeup (went for the natural look) and patiently waiting for him to arrive… For the 1st time in history, I was ready by the time my date arrived.
When Greg arrived outside he gave me a buzz and I traipsed down my steps gingerly (so that I wouldn’t break my damn neck). As I walked outside and made it to my walkway I turned the runway walk on. Ladies, you know this walk; this is the walk we do when we know we look haaawt (not hot, but haaawt - because it’s way hotter than the conventional hot) and everything is on point. The "sashayer” suddenly hears music as they get their model walk on. This is usually a specific song (my songs are Mobb Deep f/ 50 Cent “Outta Control” and Foxy Brown f/ Blackstreet “Gotta Get You Home”). DJ Delusional (the DJ in my brain) loves those songs and makes it a point to play them depending on what I’m wearing as I sashay.
As I made it to his car, I eased my long legs in and closed the door. We exchanged kisses on our respective cheeks and put our seatbelts on. As he whipped around the corner and drove towards the highway I felt good. It felt nice to be whisked away in a stylish Porsche, a black sleek Carrera to be specific. “Yes… this is going to be a good night”, I thought to myself (little did I know that that would prove to be a huge understatement).
Our first stop was to Harlem; a park there was slated to have a movie screening and Latin dancing afterwards. When we arrived to the park(at dusk) we found decent parking and made our way towards the site of the entertainment. To the dismay of both Greg and I the shindig was cancelled. We made a few phone calls to our respective friends to see what the “it” spot was on a Tuesday. Since none of our friends came up with anything we got back in the car and decided to head towards Brooklyn (because the vibes are always nice there).
En route to Brooklyn, we stopped @ a pier to overlook the most contaminated river on the eastern seaboard, The East River. We briefly chatted about this and about that; you know the getting-to-know-each-other-conversation. "I dig him. His energy is dope, his vibe is cool. I think he’s a keeper”, is all that I could think to myself at that particular moment.
After enjoying a great conversation, exchanging jokes and sharing miscellaneous details about each other we walked back towards his car (all the while holding hands… Awww). Next stop, a lounge in Soho (we still didn’t make it to Brooklyn. We were heading there, but we made a few pit stops along the way). Here I indulged in one of my favorite drinks, a Bellini (a blend of a light champage, typically Presecco, peach nectar, lemon juice, and simple syrup).
Greg opted to help himself to two Mojitos, and I followed suit (had two Bellinis - I didn’t want to get too buzzed). To compliment the drinks we shared pan seared scallops in light ginger sauce, a hearty radish salad with balsamic vinagrette, and crab cakes with remoulade sauce. If you were a patron in that lounge on that Tuesday night you would’ve sworn we were already a couple. The way we fed each other was adorable. Even I wanted to gag at the mere thought of how sugary sweet we must’ve appeared, but I didn’t. I enjoyed the moment and became that much more excited. The bartender mixed up one more round, on him, and we drank our respective cocktails, shared a few more jokes, then made our way back to his car.
After eating such an appetizing meal and drinking such titillating cocktails , what do you think we wanted to do???? Get your mind out of the gutter it’s not what you think it is… We wanted to DANCE! We went to Williamsburg and stumbled upon a really dope lounge. It turn's out that the lounge's theme for the night was Reggae. We were thrilled! Needless to say we danced the night away. I was having such a good time that I didn’t sit a song out (even with my 4” heels). The music was too good to “play” the wall or sit on the sidelines. I needed to be in the mix; smack dab in the middle so I could appreciate the seriousness of the reggae.
Greg and I had even more in common on the dance floor than off. His fluid-like movements were the perfect ying to my yang. After almost a solid hour of dancing, we decided to take a break and sit down to catch our breath and to cool off. I glanced at my Blackberry and noticed that it was after 2:30am. This wasn’t a problem for me because I wasn’t sleepy, but I was thought of him… He had to be at work in a few short hours (6:00am to be exact) and he appeared to be somewhat sleepy. We left the lounge at 3:00am and made our way back to my house around 3:30 (give or take a few minutes).
Greg pulled up onto my quiet, tree-lined block and put his car in park. Even though I'm sure he wanted to kiss me, I didn't. Instead I planted a sweet, innocent and gentle kiss on his left cheek then followed that with a warm hug. We embraced for a little while; long enough to show that it was genuine, but short enough for it not to become weird or awkward. I thanked him for a lovely evening and he did the same. As I opened the passenger door and planted my bare feet on the ground (yep, I 86’d those peep toe pumps, I let my feet touch the pavement and concrete. After dancing all night I couldn’t take one more step in those suckas) I felt as if I were floating to my door step. I went to the door and fumbled in my purse for a few seconds. This fumble was test; I wanted to see if he’d wait for me to unlock the door before driving off and he passed!
I opened both locks and turned around to give a final wave, and he did the same before speeding off. “Damn that car is sexy”, I thought to myself. I made my way to my room and began to undress to get ready for bed, but I was disrupted by the buzzing coming from phone as it vibrated on my nightstand. It was a text – from Greg. “I really enjoyed your company tonight and I look forward to seeing you again soon."
Now this is where I get real… I had a wonderful time out with Greg, but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions. There was no need to start making place cards for our August wedding ceremony in Jamaica (where I want my destination wedding to be held). I said these words aloud: “This dude is cool, but take it slow. Don’t get ahead of yourself.” It was as if these words calmed me down instantaneously. I sent Greg a text telling him that I looked forward to our next outing and bid him adieu. The date was over and I needed to get a few hours of rest before getting up early for work. I fell asleep with glee and felt satisfied with how the night went.
How quickly things can change!!!!! Our second date (or so I thought… I will explain my thoughts on the title of this outing in a moment)was this past Thursday (a week and two days after our first date). On Wednesday, Greg sent me a text inviting me out for a night of roller skating. Here’s what the text said verbatim “Hitting up Treeriver park for first Thursday Roller Skating tomorrow. If you ain’t busy and up for a challenge, hit me up.” I read it and thought how fun this would be, so I wrote back, I’m game and the “date” was set. He gave me a buzz Thursday evening (around 7:45pm or so) to make sure I was still game to hang that night. During that conversation he asked if I had any friends that were interested in going. I told him no (not even thinking about inviting anyone of my friends out) and started to get ready. I was looking forward to the night's festivities! I hadn’t been skating in years, so I was anxious to get out there on the rink and do my thang!
After confirming that I was still on Greg asked me if I had any girlfriends that’d be interested in going. There was a giant red flag was waving,
but I didn’t see it. The red flag said “B**CH THIS IS NOT A DATE. RE-READ HIS TEXT MESSAGE, YOU RECEIVED A BLAST!!!! DID YOU REALIZE THE TEXT MESSAGE WASN'T PERSONALIZED? YOUR NAME WAS NEVER MENTIONED! LET’S NOT FORGET THE FACT THAT HE JUST ASKED YOU IF YOU HAD ANY FRIENDS THAT YOU WANT TO COME ALONG.” Yes, this all makes sense now after the fact, but on Thursday it didn’t dawn on me. Guess I was "Aloof Alicia" that night. I figured that since I was going skating that my style for the night should embrace the 80’s. With that being said I threw on a oversized, yet lightweight short-sleeved off the shoulder Heather gray shirt with black writing and a picture of red lips, dirty denim daisy dukes, flat black leather gladiator sandals, and a black leather satchel. To compliment the look I threw on my bamboo earrings, my gold two-finger name ring and gold bangles. My make-up said “Powww” in a moderate tone, and I was satisfied with my reflection in the mirror. As I put the finishing touches on my red lip stain my phone rang. I answered it and told Greg that I was on my way out and I gathered my things. I made a quick stop to the fridge for a Blue Moon Summer Ale (my fav beer) and grabbed an extra cup for him (since I only had one more bottle left).
As I walked towards Greg’s vehicle (with "Outta Control" playing) suddenly became bewildered. "Where did this drop top come from?", I thought to myself. I opened the Jaguar convertible extremely confused and asked “Ummm, whose car is this?” I suddenly felt like Ray Liotta’s girlfriend did on one of their first dates in the movie Goodfellas. Without missing a beat he told me that he’d borrowed his mother’s car because he couldn’t fit his two friends in his car. “Ahhhh, ok, that made sense”, I thought. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that there were more words on that red flag that waved clear as day (but for some reason I missed it): “UMMM, YEAH, THIS IS DEFINIETLY NOT A DATE, HE’S BRINGING HIS FRIENDS, ONE FEMALE, AND ONE MALE (WHOM DO NOT KNOW EACH OTHER, SO THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT A DOUBLE DATE RETARD.”
I opened the beer and poured him a little taste; just enough to wet his palate (after all he was driving).
As I brought the bottle to my lips he surprised me by asking if I drank often. Wtf? Not only was I thrown off, I was also insulted. Did I give off the impression that I attended Alcoholics Anonymous meetings in my spare time? Did I give off the impression that I suffered from cirrhosis of the liver? I told him that I drank socially (which I do)and kept it moving. I enjoyed the wind in my hair as we flew down the BQE in transit to Brookln.
First up, his boy Mike was picked up. First impression: A very cool, funny man who resembled a gremlin (not the cute fuzzy ones like Gizmo, but the scary ones that possessed skin that turned to bubbles when water was thrown on them. Sidebar: I just got Goosebumps as I wrote that). Mike could barely fit in the back seat, but we made it work. Next up, Greg’s homegirl, "Toothless Wonder”. Her name serves two purposes… Keep reading.
As she sashayed down the walkway I thought to myself “clearly she doesn’t have a runway song because she looks like she just started venturing outside by herself yesterday.” Just as I finished my thought Mike says, “That's her? She looks like she’s 10." I laughed hysterically as Greg told him to be nice. After Mike made that comment I knew that was not going to be a love connection between him and her.
She fit herself in the backseat of the Jag as Mike & I introduced ourselves. As I exchanged formalities with her I couldn’t help but stare at the huge gap in between her two important teeth (aka central incisors aka the bunny rabbit teeth). The gap was so large that it made Michael Strahan's teeth look perfect. Therein lies the “Toothless” portion of her nickname for the night.
We headed towards the skating rink, a destination approximately 20 minutes away, and I sat back and enjoyed the scenery. Since I was sitting shotgun, I became the unofficial DJ and began flipping through radio stations and settled on one that was currently playing “Superstitious” by Stevie Wonder. Since I didn’t get a reaction from the anyone in the car I started to switch stations again. Just as I switched to a different station I heard a voice from the backseat ask, “Did you just turn from Stevie Wonder?” That voice was Toothless Wonder's. I felt my face contort. If I could have looked in my mirror at that very moment I know it would have looked like “Who the f**k are you talking to like that?” I relaxed my face and said “Excuse me?” Apparently Toothless Wonder has a thing for Stevie Wonder, thus the “Wonder” portion of her nickname for the night.
She must have caught herself because she didn’t repeat her question; instead she opted to make a comment. “Oh no, that’s my jam. I love Stevie Wonder”, then Greg’s dumbass co-signed her love for him, (as if his co-sign proved that she was the ultimate Stevie Wonder fan). I told him that I didn't care and turned back to the station where Superstitious was playing.
We get to the skating rink and we all joined the line. Greg was first in line, Toothless Wonder was behind him, I fell third, and Mike was behind me. As we made our way to the ticket booth to pay for admission and skate rental I was sure Greg would have paid for me, but he didn’t. The red flag was now clear as day. “Wow, this dude invited me out and didn’t pay for me, WOW.” I was stunned, but my face didn’t show it. I paid my admission and rental fee(a total of $16.50) and walked over to the skate rental window to retrieve my size 9 skates.
As the night went on it became more and prevalent that this was a group outing and not a date like I believed it was. Greg took me out onto the skating rink one time (hand in hand) and I felt like a baby taking my first steps. I wobbled, but I took my time and had a good time as we went around several times. I found it extremely tacky to hear Greg tell me things about several of the women that were skating around us. “I used to talk to her years ago, she’s ghetto, but she has a sick body”, “We used to see each other at Skate Key years ago”, “She is working those skates”. I was taken aback by his audacity. “What man in their right mind would sit up here and talk to a potential new lady friend in such a manner? Why the F**K would he think I cared?” I told him that I really didn't care and felt my mood changing.
With that those questions racing through my head I told Greg that I wanted to get off because I felt a little uneasy (from skating - especially since I’d almost fallen on my 3rd and 4th time around the rink and from his inconsiderate comments). He led me off and continued to skate by himself… I sat on the sidelines with the other spectators and observed the skilled skaters doing their thing. I saw Mike a few times and then I saw Greg a few times (I didn’t see Toothless Wonder on the rink because this loser didn’t want to skate. Ummm, why did she come then? Weirdo). I then began to notice Greg skating hand in hand with one woman, then another, then another. Clearly, this man had no regard for my feelings. As I continued to stand there the DJ slowed the music down. I was certain that Greg would come and get me so that I could skate with him. Not that I wanted to join him, but the jesture would have been nice. His aloof a** didn’t come get me. Instead he tapped me he glided by and motioned for me to come out onto the rink. I declined the first time with a smile and he kept on skating. He came around again and motioned for me to come out again and I told him that I didn't want to.
The DJ continued to play his old school slow jams and continued to spectate. Suddenly, I saw Greg skate by, with a women in white tights and a black tee shirt. This dude was skating backwards with this chick as he leaned over and whispered sweet nothings in her ear. MY BLOOD WAS BOILING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Right then, right there at that moment, I heard my father’s voice. “Always have enough money on you to get you out of an uncomfortable or unwanted situation.” I silently cursed at myself for leaving my debit card on my bed (in my other bag). Had I had that debit card I would have taken a cab all the way back to Queens and not even cared what the fare was. I only had about $25 bucks on me, so that wasn’t enough to get me where I needed to go.
I took off my skates then and there because I knew that I had absolutely no interest in skating anymore that night. I returned my skates to the rental window and walked back towards the skating rink to continue spectating (in my socks). The DJ killed the slow jams and told all skaters to clear the rink. Greg did not come over to me, but Mike did. He asked why I wasn’t skating anymore and I gave him the lowdown. I told him that his friend lost major cool points for not coming to get me when the mood slowed down. I then gave him an analogy. “Can you swim?” I asked Mike. After he told me that he was decent, I continued with my analogy. “If we were on a party boat in the middle of the ocean in Aruba and everyone aboard decided to jump into the ocean because they were wonderful swimmers would you jump?” He quickly said no. I then went onto say “that skating rink is the ocean and I can only doggie paddle. I don’t feel comfortable going out there by myself; Greg should have came over to me and escorted me out.” Mike shrugged his shoulders (in a Kanye-eque fashion) and didn’t say a word. I gathered from his silence that he wanted to remain neutral, and I respected that.
I glanced at my phone and saw that it was 1:15am. I looked around the rink for Greg, but didn’t see him until the DJ invited all skaters back onto the rink. There he was with his tacky ass, looking like damn jackass skating backwards by himself. When we made eye contact I pointed to my wrist, the universal sign for “It’s getting late.” or “Do you have the time? He came over to me and I told him that I wanted my sandals (they were in his locker and he had the key) and that I was getting sleepy. I walked and he skated over to his locker so that I could put on my sandals. Do you know this a**hole didn't even wait for me?
I walked back over to the area I was previously standing and patiently waited for Greg to join me. To my dismay, this fool was back on the floor skating! I kept quiet for about three minutes and then I motioned for him to come back over to me when he passed me by. I kept my cool and told this jacka** that I was sleepy and that I wanted to go home. He obliged and with that the Toothless wonder, myself and Greg got ready to go (Mike made arrangements to stay behind and travel back to Brooklyn with another friend).
As we walked outside I walked ahead of the two of them and acted like I didn’t have a care in the world. I sang along to Usher's "OMG" (it was playing in someone's car that was nearby) and I danced while walking. Greg sensed distance and my change in mood. He attempted to spark a conversation, but I wasn't interested. No matter what he said, I always shot him a one word response: “Yep”, “Nice”, “Cool”, etc.
We made it to the car and the Toothless Wonder assumed her position in the backseat and I sat shotgun, once again. The ride home was one of almost complete silence (thank God the radio was on, or else it wouldn've been even more awkward). Greg made a pit stop at a gas station; he wanted to grab a water. He offered to get waters for the Toothless Wonder and I, but we both declined. I just wanted this “date” to be over. I wanted to go to bed. I wanted to erase this night from my memory as soon as possible. The minute he walked out of the car I deleted his cell phone number. I knew that I wanted nothing more to do with that guy. His true colors had shined and I couldn’t ignore it.
The Toothless Wonder felt inclined to ask me if I was upset. I maintained my cool and just mentioned that I was extremely sleepy. No point in telling this woman my feelings, we weren’t friends, not to mention I had my suspicions about her relationship with Greg. Who the hell was she anyway?
As we crossed the Kosciuszko Bridge it dawned on me that I was being dropped first home first. This didn’t make any sense to me, especially since I reside at the end of Queens {on the borderline of Long Island} and we were just leaving Brooklyn (where this woman resided). As we were about to get on the BQE I asked Greg, “You’re not dropping your friend off?” He responded, “Oh nah, I’m gonna drop you off first then just crash at her house because I have to be at work at 6am anyway.” Sidebar: Greg works in Brooklyn, I assume near Toothless Wonder’s apartment.
I look at him and said “cool”, because I meant it. It really was cool with me because at this point I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t get it, and I didn’t want to get why he was crashing in Brooklyn instead of at his own place in Long Island.
As we pulled up onto my tree-lined block that morning (approximately 2:30am) the vibe was completely different than it was the week before. I put my hand up to motion for Greg to give me a dap, but he thought I was motioning for him to give me a hug. He unbuckled his seatbelt and gave me a phony hug. I let him do the hugging; I just sat there with my arms by my side. It was plain to see that I was not satisfied with the events of the night and I wasn’t about to pretend for the sake of this dude.
The Toothless Wonder came from the backseat in the front and wished me a good night. I wished them both a good night and proceeded to power walk up my walkway. There was no “Outta Control” playing and there was no “Gotta Get You Home” playing. DJ Delusional was asleep; he knew his services wouldn't be needed anymore that night.
No need to sashay. I walked towards my door in a hurried pace with my keys in hand. Greg waited for me to get in (and that was cool), but that minuscule brownie point wouldn’t be enough to put him back in my good graces.
I came into my room, got undressed and opened my laptop. If ever there were a time to start blogging again it was yesterday morning (in the wee hours of the morning to boot). I wanted to get things out while they were still fresh. I wrote my thoughts for a few minutes then surrendered to my sleepiness.
When I woke up, only three short hours later I saw that I’d received a text from Greg @ 5:56am. “Good Morning Hun. Wanted to say thanks a bunch for coming out yesterday. Much love.” Ummmm, ok. I really wasn’t sure why he felt the need to send me this text. I didn’t feel moved to respond so I didn’t. I knew that I wanted to tell Greg about himself before I deleted him from my life, so I had to play it cool. No point in sending back a nasty text message stating what I really thought of him. Instead,I sent Greg a text around 2:30pm later that day asking if he could talk. When he responded back that he could, I made my phone call.
In that phone call I maintained my composure and made my points; points that I felt he needed to be made aware of. From me paying to get in, to him being blatantly disrespectful by being touchy-feely with other women in my presence, to him just about leaving me the entire night, to him having no regard for anyone’s feelings but his own. Neither one of us raised our voices during the conversation because there was no need for that. He apologized (it sounded somewhat genuine) and told me that he didn’t mean to come off in a disrespectful way. He asked that we “kiss and make-up” (in a figurative sense, not a literal one) and I brushed him off. I told him that I had to round up my afternoon at work and wished him a good day (wishing that I would have wished him a good life).
One strike, he’s out.
