Sparks

Here I am again, but how did I get here? I hadn't seen him since Thanksgiving weekend. As usual the time spend was enjoyable, so enjoyable that I decided to lay it all on the line - I told him how I felt. No holds barred. I expressed my interest in pursuing a real relationship with him, but he didn't sound like he was on board. He had said everything but yes. "I'm into my work right now", "I need whoever I'm with to understand that I will constantly make moves at the drop of a dime" and other BS.

It hit me and it hurt, reality that is. I realized then and there our "thing" wasn't leading anywhere. After another conversation I decided to stop speaking to him. I didn't want to chase someone that couldn't be caught.

I erased him from my phone. I stopped e-mailing him. He stopped e-mailing me. We didn't speak for two months.

Last Wednesday morning my phone rang. It read "Metro at Hm". My heart stopped. I smiled with glee all because he called. I let the phone ring three times because I wasn't sure if I wanted to speak to him or not. Before I knew it we were engaged in a conversation.

The customary formalities were exchanged and we then caught up. Things were right back to where they were. We agreed to meet up in Manhattan for the whole "touristy" thing, but due to the frigid weather he came over instead. When I opened the door his beaming smile warmed me up. Just like that, the feelings were back. What does this guy have on me?

We enjoyed a lazy afternoon. Talked, cuddled and napped. Nothing more nothing less and I was okay with that. The visit was short and sweet and we made plans to meet up again this week. Which brings me to this entry.

I just returned from his place. The sparks are gone. All the energy I put into making things work before drained me. I have no faith in him anymore. I felt like the "Monday" girl. Who knows who will be occupying his apartment tonight.

The truth hurts, especially when you realize the truth is the person you like so much is not the one for you.

Pardon me while I get my extinguisher.