How Do I Get Over My Fastidiousness?

My cousin calls it "Analysis Paralysis";An unofficial medical condition that plaques a lot of people (including myself). Sufferers of analysis paralysis think way too much and find it incredibly hard to just go with the flow. I dread this condition and would love to end this paralysis, but it's not that simple. I went from settling for anything to not settling for anything; one extreme to the next. What's wrong with me? As I stated in the latter part of my last post, "Offline", I constantly wonder "Am I too picky for my own good?"

There I was on my date with "Justin"; a guy that most would deem a great catch: Tall, attractive, chivalrous, romantic, funny, spontaneous, educated and affectionate. I should have been enjoying myself, but all I did was wish I was with another man (to be specific "Metro" or "Eyes" from my post "How To Get Over An A**hole"; men that are eye candy and make me say "damn" each and every single time I lay my pretty brown eyes on them. Nevermind the fact that I deemed both men a**holes, I still preferred their company.). Am I a glutton for punishment? Will I ever be able to let go of my shallow standards and just embrace a man that may not be the most gorgeous guy in the world, but one that would treat me like a queen?

I am trying to come to grips with my reality; I seem to never be satisfied when it comes to men. This is insane because a few short years ago I was in love with a slovenly, unambitious, charming, jack-a**. I settled because I thought that he'd change, but he didn't, so I did - I changed my status from "in a relationship" to "single"! I stopped settling.

While engaged in the dating game I became way too critical and harsh. If I didn't like something they got the boot; I was so afraid to settle again. I became so out of control that I would dismiss a man if the nail on his left pinky was crooked or one of his eyelash hairs were missing(not literally, but my fastidiousness was that bad).

Recently I've been in very deep thought and have been fearful that I'll wind up an old hag with cats as my companions. I have to stop this before I get anymore out of control! People I need the cure to analysis paralysis! After all, there will always
be something right? I need to face reality: no one is perfect.

In an attempt to turn over a new leaf I agreed to go out with "Justin" again (see "Offline" for a history)last Friday. We agreed to meet on the corner of 18th & 7th; Destination - Cafeteria, (http://www.cafeteriagroup.com) I was stoked since I'd heard so many nice things about this restaurant. We get inside and I ordered a glass of pinot grigio, him - water. Let the date begin!

Justin recommended that I order the meatloaf and garlic mashed potatoes, so I did since that sounded good (he ordered chicken and waffles). Our entrees arrived and I offered him a taste of my food - he gladly helped himself to my plate. After seeing the satisfaction on his face, I knew that the dish was good and I began to dig in. No-no #1, as I am eating my food, this lunatic helps himself to my plate, two more times (once for more meatloaf and again for potatoes)! He might as well have double dipped - wtf? I never swapped spit with him, so ytf would he think that I would be okay with this? Needless to say that I ate less than half my food because I was not about to eat anywhere near where he stuck his fork. Now that I think of it, he must have thought I wouldn't mind sharing with him since I allowed him to have a sip of my wine (I let him have a sip since he kept asking me so damn questions about it: "How's your wine?" "How's it taste?" "Is it good?" After the barrage of questions on the taste of my wine I felt like getting a f**king funnel and pouring the sh*t down his f**king throat!). He wanted to make a full evening and go see "W" in midtown, but I was not in the mood to be with him any further. I quickly concocted a lie and told him that I had to make it home due to another engagement. I suggested that we enjoy a drink together and make the most of our time at the restaurant; he agreed after expressing his disappointment and ordered a Long Island Iced Tea.

I wound up "babysitting" my glass of wine and eventually it became warm (I didn't bother finishing it). Justin finished his cocktail and I lost my patience. I suggested we order another round, but he declined (mmmmhhhhmmmm, his scrawny a** was twisted off of one L.I.T - lightweight!). I excused myself and went to the restroom. While making my way there, I ran into our waiter and asked "Can you tell that I'm not really into the guy I'm with?" He retorted "Girl, it's all over your face!" We exchanged a hearty laugh and I excused myself.

I made my way back to the table and prepared to gather my belongings, when no-no #2 was committed: Since I opted to leave the remainder of my wine in the glass he took it upon himself to finish it. Gross! This man drunk that warm glass of backwash after admitting to me a few minutes prior that he wasn't that into the taste of pinot grigio. I'm still grossed out at the sheer thought of that disgusting act!

Finally, we get to my train station. My F train breezd into the 14th St. train station and I was so thankful. I quickly gave Justin a hug and a kiss on the cheek. No-no #3 is committed: He reached in for a kiss on my lips. In a reflex I put my hand over his mouth and said "no". Words can't describe how bad I felt (since that reflex wasn't intentional), so I quickly gave him another kiss on the other cheek and another hug. He didn't let me go from the embrace and he went in again - no-no # f**king 4! This man must be the glutton for punishment that I thought I was. I avoided his lips and he said "stop ducking me." I apologized and told him that I had to go (the train doors had just opened up). As I said my good-byes I turned around to look at him and he looked insane!!!! He had that "I'll-show-you-sorry-alright look on his face. I made my exit and found comfort in the fact that I was on my way back to Queens - thank God!

Now for the icing on the cake. I had all intentions of calling him on Sunday to tell him that I thought we'd be better off as friends, but he beat me to the punch - OH HELL NO! Here is his exact Facebook message: "Friday was cool, after our first date I REALLY thought we had great rapport....joking around and stuff. the chemistry was definitely there, I even think I had you on my mind a little too much lol. "Melinda" I like your company maybe we should just be friends." To that I responded: "I was going to actually suggest the same thing... I felt chemistry with you, as a friend. You're a great guy, but perhaps we're just not clicking like that, you know? Either way, I thank you for being the epitome of a gentleman and showing me parts of NY that I've never seen!" I had to let him know that I NEVER saw him like that; perhaps it was an ego thing - whatever. The ending of my "Internet Love" is this: we are going to remain friends and I'm okay with that.

Now back to my dilemma: How do I get over my fastidiousness? One day at a time, step by step - it's going to happen - or else I'll stay single - with cats, lol