The Perks of not being Black in Corporate America

Top Three Perks of not being Black in Corporate America

1. Coming into work whenever you want to
2. Ignoring the dress code
3. Extended lunch hours

Like many other Americans who work in Corporate America, I'm well aware of the unsaid rules that are to be followed. These rules are meant for all to play, but sometimes I have to ask myself if we're all playing the same game.

Becky's rules
If you deem it miserably hot outside feel free to wear what your heart desires. This includes your sexy spaghetti strap dress, your fav halter top, that new clingy yellow tube top you've been dying to wear and that mid thigh "freak em' dress" that is borderline transparent. To be even more comfortable why not traipse into the office with the flip flops you just spent the weekend at the beach in. Body art is beautiful! The more the better! Visible tattoos are a way of expressing your artistic and creative side so go ahead and embrace whatever culture appeals to you. Nose rings are the newest rave so join the masses! If your weekend in the Hampton's was filled with cocktails and beers, we understand. Hangovers can be a bummer! We expect you to come in on time on Monday, but we understand if you can't. It happens to the best of us! Lunch hour is your time to unwind. If you get caught up shopping or choosing which entree tantalizes your taste buds, its OK! The work isn't going anywhere. When 5 o'clock hits, have a great night and we will see you when you feel like strolling in tomorrow. One more thing, tell you uncle, aunt, mother, father, grandmother and grandfather that I'll see them this weekend on the golf course!

Zack's rules
Your rules are quite similar to Becky's except where its obvious, unless you're a cross dresser. If you are, then by all means wear what makes you comfortable. Even though we usually require our men to wear ties with their shirts, you can use your discretion. Hell, you can pretty much wear what you feel! Jeans M-Th, why not? Who said jeans are banished in the closet until Friday? That's absurd! Flip flops, shorts, sneakers, scruffy jeans w/ holes - its all to the good!

Shaquanna's rules
Before you even dare open the rules to this game you better already have a higher level of education. We are aware that a lot of your co-workers will have less education that you and make more money than you, but we like out "special" workers to be educated and articulate! My dear, you are special!!!!!! Even though you would like to wear what Becky is walking around in, you must realize that you're viewed differently, your special! Your earrings can't be to big or too ethnic. No braids allowed, its uh, too ethnic. We prefer that your hair be as straight as possible, so "naturals" as you people refer to it should be a weekend thing. Expect your superiors to ask you ridiculous questions about your education and to act surprised when they've learned you went to a better school than they probably did. Expect us to come back from our summer vacations and to tell you that they've tanned so much they can pass for your kin. Even though we have permitted the rest of the company to dress down on Fridays, it would be in your best interest if you wore business attire, we don't know how dressed down you may get. Lunch hour is just that, an hour. As a matter of fact I will make it a point to conspicuously walk by your cubicle every 30 minutes or so to make sure you are at your desk doing work. There is to be no surfing of the net. Period. You have to do twice as much work as Becky just to get a fraction of the recognition she gets. If we think that you deserve a raise we will take our sweet time and award you with one. You should be appreciative of any increase that you're awarded, its better than turning tricks like your ancestors probably did right? You are expected to have a pleasant disposition all of the time. We don't take to well to attitude here. I don't care what problems you have outside of the workplace. Smile at all times while here. Matter of fact, how do you feel about wearing "black face"? When answering to anyone we like to hear "yes or no sir/madam". That greeting sounds so pleasant. We love pleasant people! Your shift begins promptly at 9am and ends at 5pm, but expect emergency deadlines at 4:50 or so at least 3 - 4 times a week. If we need you to stay late until the work is done don't expect any appreciation. If you are asked to stay late, you better come in on time the following day because there is no excuse for tardiness.

Malcolm's Rules
Very similar to Shaquanna's except for a few differences. Expect a full criminal background will be conducted, so I hope you don't have any priors. We claim to be an equal opportunity company, but I'm sure we can find a loophole in that contract if we find something unattractive on that background check. No "do-rags "as you people say, are allowed anywhere near the office.

Those are only a few of the rules. When we feel the need to up and change a rule without an explanation we will do so, got that Shaquanna and Malcolm? Those are the rules, are you ready to play?