As a "Just-passing-timer" (see "Welcome to the office"), I am constantly looking for inspiration. For me to get satisfaction, I need to do something that I am passionate about. I'm at the edge of the cliff ready to jump like so many have before me. They have successfully swam to different islands of their dreams, but I'm just not sure if I will have the same luck.
A fearless person on the cliff edge next to me says "I'm going for it. I'm gonna see how things are off this island. If I don't make it, at least I tried. See ya!" Me on the other hand, I'm stuck with analysis paralysis. My mind wonders..... "Are those waters shark infested? Is the water too shallow? Will I overexert myself before I make it to the island?" How do I stop talking myself outta things? How do I stop talking about it and start being about it?
I have nothing holding me back. No kids, no husband - no dependents. To top it off I have youth and intelligence on my side. Why am I so afraid of venturing out and trying something different? There is no fulfillment for me from 9am - 5:30pm. I maintain a good work ethic and make the most of the situation, but my heart isn't here. I feel as though this is not what I am destined to do. Its not my niche!!!!
In a perfect world Carrie Bradshaw's gig on SATC would be my ideal job. I'd be a writer, live in Soho, inspire the masses and shop for shoes... ("Hello Lover"). Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world. I have to be certain that my rent, amongst other bills are paid on a monthly basis. In essence I am a slave to those bills. I am too fearful to let go of a sure thing: this job and the bi-weekly paycheck. Thing is, if I were ever fired (knock on wood), I'd pull myself together and get by some how. I'm a hustler, always have been. I can get by.... So what am I waiting for?
What am I waiting for?!?!?!?!?! I should be so bold as to get a gig on the side that will allow me to pay all of my bills, return to school F/T to pursue an education that will put me on the fast track to a career and finally have fulfillment! I won't ever know until I try right? That's it, I'm jumping...... Hope the water is deep enough!
1 comment:
You have basically summed up all my reasons for leaving NY. I loved my job but hated the company and the situations that I was put in. I hated my living situation and the fact that privacy and space were completely foreign to me. Eventually there comes a point where you have had enough and you just jump. I jumped but I can not say that I did it alone. With the support of my mother I was able to make that step towards my own life and my own happiness. It was not easy and it still isnt but life is all about finding yourself and living to survive and be happy in a world of chaos.
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