Subway Stories (#3) - "Train Erotica"

It started off like any other day. I found a little standing room on the platform edge so that I could weasel my way to the door when the train came to a stop. The doors open and the game of musical chairs begins; only thing there is no music (unless you count the ubiquitous iPod in just about everyone's possession). I take my seat and glance around the train for a moment. My eyes stop on one man in particular. He's seated diagonally across from me. What caught my eye was the distinct black & white cord stemming from his earphones, Bose headphones. Our eyes locked momentarily and I broke the awkward stare. It's possible that I caught his eye as well because I also had the same black & white cord stemming from my earphones.

As the train goes down the tunnel towards it's final destination of Brooklyn, the train slowly starts to get crowded. I zone out to my tunes and before I know it there is barely enough standing room in the train car. I open my eyes and notice that this mystery gentleman is now standing across from me, in front of the door. Again, our eyes made brief contact and I thought nothing of it. I close my eyes again to mellow out before the hectic day begins, when suddenly I'm awakened by something tapping on my legs repeatedly; it's the cloth briefcase of this mystery man. At first I didn't bother me, I simply readjusted my legs so that the briefcase didn't hit me anymore. This was the perfect solution, that is until the briefcase began to go in between my legs. This bag was at the point of invading my personal space so I had to say something. I kindly moved his bag so that it didn't touch me. We made eye contact again and he genuinely apologized.

Moments later my eyes pop open so that I can see how close the train was to Manhattan. The mystery man took this as his opportunity to make his move. This bold, hot and sexy Latino came close enough to my ear to kiss it. He said "I hope you don't think I'm being to forward, but I think you're very attractive." Me being the polite person that I am, thanked him and smiled. He bends down again; "I would love the opportunity to take you out sometime." At this point, he peaked my interest. The bass in his voice, the audacity to invade my personal space, the sweet scent of his cologne, the height and sexiness he possessed all put me into overdrive. With a question like that posed by a very attractive man, what do you think I said? Well you're wrong, my dumb ass said "No thank-you, I have a boyfriend." Can someone please tell me whadafuc was on my biscuit?

He took his rejection like a man and was very understanding. He then bends down to ask me how I look without my shades. I retort "good." - No "wouldn't you like to know", no "damn good", no "delicious"; no snazzy, smart ass answer. I just said "good" (Damn I had an off day)! He bends down one last time and says "I guess that'll remain a mystery to me. I guess your man knows." All I could do was smile and "kick" myself in the ass for constructing such a lie. I haven't had a boyfriend in years, so why the hell did I allow this opportunity to pass me by?

With high hopes, I boarded the same train this morning and took the seat that I took yesterday. I looked diagonally across with high hopes of seeing him again. To my dismay the mystery man with the black & white headphones wasn't going my way. Who knows if I'll meet him again, but if I do he'll no longer be a mystery.

Missing: Have you Seen Genuine Love?

I'm approaching the two year anniversary of the break-up with my ex-BOYfriend. Damn, time flies, especially when you're having fun. The first few months were emotional. I experienced self-doubt, sadness, loneliness and anger. Self-doubt: My swagger was non-existent. I wasn't sure that I'd find someone that I'd click with the way I did with him. Sadness: Sad that my comfort zone was gone. I didn't have to put on airs with him, he knew me inside and out. Loneliness: I missed all the good times, comfort and fun I shared with him. Anger: Angry that he never turned into the man I wanted him to be. Angry that I allowed myself to stay with someone so undeserving of me. Angry that I wasted so many years of my life of with him. So here I am now - two years later and still single in the suburbs.

The Break-Up: It was heart wrenching. To see a grown man cry is never an easy thing, especially knowing that you're the one who is inflicting the pain that causes the incessant tears to fall. I knew it had to be done. I told myself over and over again he wasn't deserving of me, but I stayed. Wishful thinking is a b**ch. Wishful thinking will have you believing things that will never come to be. After some painful realization I made up my mind. I left! I finally saw what all my loved ones saw, he wasn't worthy of me. His luck had just ran out. I summoned strength I didn't know I possessed and made the move. For once in my life, my no meant no. No more tired excuses, no more empty promises, no more crying over being disappointing repeatedly. This break-up was a long time coming.

You Got it Bad: This is the time in my life when I was so far gone from happiness it's not funny. I ended my six year relationship, three months shy of another milestone birthday - the big 2-5! Needless to say there was no celebration that year. As a matter of fact From September to March I moved, my address was "the twilight zone". It seemed that nothing made me genuinely happy. I pretty much did nothing but cry. Cried from the pain I felt in my body & my heart, cried from the emptiness, cried from the loneliness, cried from the vulnerability, cried from the desertion of love. It was hard. I prayed to God feverishly, asking him to take the love I had for that boy outside my heart, body and mind. Slowly but surely He did just that.... Amen.

I Think I'm Ready : I was finally back in the swing of things; I got my swagger back! Nothing could stop me! I allowed men to wine and dine me. I allowed my heart to take chances. I allowed myself to enjoy being a girl. I enjoyed being coquettish, sassy, and adventurous. Before I knew it I was out there, full-fledged in the dating scene and enjoying every minute of it.....

Heartache After Love: I let love in, and it deceived me. It came inside my heart with a bomb. Little did I know that love had every intention of shattering my heart. I met the man I thought was my soul mate. He also happened to be the one-minute man (see "Sex & Men") in my life too, talk about a predicament. This man made me believe. He made me believe in romance, the one thing I had never experienced in my life. He made me believe in life after love. He made me believe in soul mates. He made me believe in men. Picture this: You're picked up by the new beau in your life and taken back to his place. You're blindfolded and led into the restroom to change into a towel. On the bathroom sink - a card, a scented-candle and a glass of chardonnay. The card reads "The last few weeks have been amazing, thank you." Yes, this was very sweet, I was in total disbelief. I exit the restroom to step into bliss.... A massage table for my comfort, aromatherapy for my mind, music for my serenity and my "soul mate" for my pleasure. His hands touched every aching part of my body. The aching was internal. With every caress, a little pain escaped. This was the first we were ever intimate. After this perfect night, my skepticism kicked in. I found myself asking him how long the "ride" would last. I should have known from his response, "don't think about the end, just enjoy the ride", that this ride was soon coming to an end. The spontaneous fishing trips on his boat were soon over, the romantic dinners were over, the nights of joking all night long were gone. The bomb has just been detonated and my heart was shattered. Here I am again, how did I get here?

Back to the Drawing Board: "If at first you don't succeed, then dust yourself off and try again". I took these words to heart and allowed myself to not give up on love. It was out there and I was bound to become very acquainted with it! I enjoyed the wining & dining, but not the games (the BS excuses, the little white lies, the deception, the broken promises, the let downs). After a while it all gets old. Getting to know someone all over again is draining. Taking chances on someone is draining. Getting let down after let down is draining. Still, I fought through these tiring processes and tried not to let love defeat me.
I met a guy. A guy that I really like. He's romantic, kind-hearted, gentle, intelligent and attractive, but he's just learned how to walk. He's straggles along, proceeding with baby steps if you will, unsure and extremely cautious. How long must I reassure him that he can trust me? At this point of my life I'm an Olympiad in Beijing. I'm at the long jump trying get as far ahead as I can with the ultimate prize of gold. What am I to do?
I met a guy, he's what I want on paper. Successful, ambitious and confident, but he needs to learn romance & communication. I am willing to teach, but the question is, is he ready to be an studious pupil?
So, here I am, two years later with no one to call my significant other. The sand in the hourglass of single life is quickly dropping...... The thrill of getting out there in that social scene is getting to be a bit monotonous.

It's Hard: It's hard to be the "single" friend when all those you associate with disconnect from you and connect with men. It's hard to be single on breezy, rainy days. It's hard to be single on lazy weekends. It's hard to be single when a new movie comes out on a Friday or Saturday night. It's hard to be single when you know that you have so much love to give and no one to receive it. It's hard to be single when you've finally came into your own skin and have yet to find a special & deserving person to share this new found self-awareness. It's hard to be single when you're surrounded by people who aren't.

Help Wanted: This is a wanted ad that only genuine, real, crazy love need to apply to. I'm looking for love that is built on the foundation of friendship, understanding, patience, support and romance. I need the love that will grow uncontrollably, haphazardly if you will. I'm looking for the love that's in it for the long haul; persevering, deep and serious. The compensation is all of those things in return and then some.......

Sex & Men

Ladies, this is an entry that we can all relate to! We've dealt with men who think they're the sh*t in the sack (but really aren't), the selfish ones who leave us wanting more, the ones who know how to handle our bodies and then some, the ones that make you wish it was over while you're in the process of doing "the do", the ones who give you a run for your money and finally the b*tchass man. I'm talking about the men who are sadly mistaken, the men who know how to lay the pipe, the men that screw like horny dogs, the "freak-a-leeks" and the men with absolutely no confidence whatsoever in the bedroom. Grab a cup of coffee, chocolate, whatever you like; Sit down, relax and join me as I take a walk down memory lane!

The Oblivious Man - The oblivious man asks: "You like that baby?", "You like how I take this p***y?" , "Whose p***y is this?" To this you should retort: "Hell no you f**kin buffoon, are you gonna cum soon? SH*T!" ,"What do you think you're taking and more importantly where do you think you're taking it?", and finally "You don't know his name." Instead too many women respond: "Yeah I like it", "Yes I love how you take that Daddy", "It's yours baby". Why do women put on Academy Award winning performances when in all actuality having sex with this type of man is one of the worst experiences you've ever had?

This is the man that makes it necessary to wear a hard hat during sex because of the relentless blows your head takes as it hits the headboard. This man equates strokes faster than the speed of sound to good sex.

There are a plethora of reasons why this type of man can't please us: (1)Perhaps he's not working with enough equipment (I call this Mozzarella Stick Syndrome), (2) He's well endowed but unaware of how to use what God gave him. He never read the instructional manual entitled "So You've Got a Big D*ck, Now What?") or (3) Maybe he's just never been told by a woman that he doesn't have one clue about how to please her.

This craziness must be stopped! How much longer can we let these men run loose on the streets? The next time you find yourself being intimate with an oblivious man tell him the truth. Be honest, yet respectful of his feelings. Sh*t, most men won't react too kindly to being told they're the wackest D you've ever had in your life.

I've been intimate with an oblivious man and boy was it disaster. This dude thought he had a f*ckin magical wand as a penis. Foreplay: Ehhh, it wasn't half bad until he went below my waist. From the licking that was reminiscent to a crazed, salivating obese man lightning licking a triple scoop ice-cream cone that he deems tasty to the nibbling (yes, nibbling, why the f**k would he think that was a good idea)? My body language indicated that I didn't really dig his lingual action so he decided to use his "magic wand". I think his wand was broken because there wasn't one magical moment. I suppose I should be thankful that he didn't screw like a jackrabbit, huh? This encounter lasted for a moment and when he was done I had the most confused look on my face. All I could think was, "Okay, you have GOT to be kidding me". Me, being the bold b*tch that I am, had to be honest. I told him straight up that I didn't enjoy any of it. Why lie? Surprisingly, he was receptive and wanted to be taught. Let's just say that even though we didn't work out, whatever woman he deals with owes me (wink wink).

The One-Minute Man - Mmmmmmhmmmmmmm, I can see you with that disgusted visage. I know girl, you're getting annoyed just thinking about this type of man right? Allow me break this type of man down. These men damn near cum as soon as you unbuckle your jeans. The minute they gain access, they lose their damn minds. Their heads roll back and all eye contact is lost; its all over. You see they have to concentrate to get off. The one-minute man doesn't give two f*cks about you! You're just there for his convenience. At this moment you are being used whether you like it or not! The sad thing is one-minute men are so far gone that they don't even realize how mad you are when they get off of you. They're content and that's all that counts.

To handle this man you simply do one of two things: (1) Never answer his phone calls again or (2) Tell him how pitiful he is in the sack and then dismiss him permanently.

Sadly I have had an encounter with this type of man :(. What made it crazy was that I liked him, A LOT (I mean a lot, alright, who am I fooling, I loved him!!!) I never counted his wack pipe game against him. The sh*t was over before it even began. Time after time I knew that I would be left wanting more, but in the back of my mind I hoped for a few more minutes of pleasure. Sadly, that never happened. Long story short, we don't speak anymore and I'm not missing his D. Even sadder, I never told him about himself. On that note, women beware of a chestnut-eyed, diesel, Will Smith look-a-like and a sense of humor that'll keep you in stitches. Trust, the most pleasure you'll experience with him is looking at him.

The Plumber - Lord please forgive me while I use your name in vain, JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!! These are the men that we thank God for (several times) during and after sex. Talk about laying the pipe down right! I'm getting aroused just thinking about the plumbers I've encountered in my life. As I sit up here with this plastered Kool-Aid grin on my face I must gather my composure and break down the characteristics of the plumber.

This man knows how to handle you mentally and physically. He anticipates your every move and surpasses your standards of what a lover should be. He says all the right things at the right time. He makes your entire body sweat like you just participated in a 5k run on the hottest day of the year and not even care. This is the man that can call you at any hour of the day or night (and have you in the bathroom taking that "special shower". You know what I'm talking about! LOL). He will have you cancelling plans with your girlfriends and/or loved ones at the drop of a dime. He stimulates every single nerve ending in your body all while making hairs you didn't even know exist stand up as straight as a porcupine's quills. Not only do you experience that ever popular big "O" (several times), but your body is left aching for days on end and you don't even mind the pain. These men love to please you from head to toe. Why, you may ask? Because they know that they're good at it and they aim to please. Why can't all men be plumbers?

My experience with a plumber was quite memorable. I think I lost my voice after we were done. Not only did I lose my voice, but I lost my damn mind. You see, being a woman of color, I deem water kryptonite to my hair. With this being said, this man had me "Singing in the rain" (in his shower), without an umbrella (ella-ella-ella-a-a-a-a, lol). We made our room to his bedroom after we finished what he started. After I finished scratching the crap out of him, grabbing anything I could get my hands on (to brace myself), screaming for God and asking for all types of mercies, calling dude all types of names and shaking violently I rolled over and fell asleep. I didn't even have the energy to get up. Satisfaction was acquired that night. Matter of fact, I think I have a leak that needs a plumber's professional tweaking.........

The Freak - This is the man that you have absolutely no inhibitions with. You allow this man to invade that certain orifice you swore was reserved for your husband. Hmmmmm, sound familiar? This is the man that has you contorting your body in ways you didn't know were possible. This is the man that has you feeling like the epitome of a dirty slut while engaged in the act and you don't mind it at all. However, the freak is a dangerous man. This man has so much freak inside of him he is usually unable to commit. So ladies, before you get all excited and think about settling down, be careful. The freak is not the man to do it with.

I know a freak. Whew, did I meet my match... That's all I have to say about that. OMG!

The B**chass Man - This man is a straight up p**sy in the bedroom. As Chris Rock said in Bigger & Blacker, this man says things like, "Uhhhh excuse me, excuse me, can you umm, suck my balls?"(all while having a b**chass tone to their unsure voice). B**chass men speak with absolutely no conviction. Most women can't deal with a man like this (I know I can't). We need someone who knows how to take control, so called "man-handle us", you feel me?

However, there are a few women that dig this man, they're usually in the dominatrix industry. The b**chass man is too afraid to "put it on you", because they don't think they have the ability to. If you can't be a man in the bedroom then how the hell can you be one outside of it?

I say to these men "grow a pair of balls before you ask someone, like a little b**ch, to suck them!"

Thankfully, I've never had an encounter with a b**chass man. I couldn't take it, I would have him running to therapy after dealing with me because his entire world would be shattered. Like the oblivious man, this man has to be told in gentle, yet honest way that they need to step their life up, in the bedroom.

Do you think I left anyone out? Let me know!

I hate.........

As I made the commute this morning from my home to the city (via the F train) I realized that I hate several things.. I figured I'd share this list. If you hate some of these things, feel free to comment!

People Who Clip Their Nails on the Train - OMFG, can we say gross? This iritates the hell outta me! That noise makes me cringe. What makes it worse is what these people do with the nails once they cut them off - they let them drop to the floor - YUCK!

Rainy Days on the Train - Why is that when you step foot on the train on a rainy day some people smell like dirty wet dogs?

Close Talkers w/ Bad Breathe - As if talking so close to me that I can see your pores wasn't bad enough, adding bad breathe makes it 10x worse. When your breathe smells like boiled bologna its not a good idea to be a close talker. In honor of the new eclipse gum campaign "Dude seriously"! (Get a damn mint and move back about 3 paces back before you open your mouth and disrespect my entire lifestyle!)

People That Lick Their Fingers B4 Turning a Page or Counting Money - I sat on the train this morning and watched this woman lick her finger every single cot damn time she turned the page of the free daily newspaper (Metro). All I could do was shoot death rays her way; unfortunately she didn't respond to my repulsed face. If looks could kill...... On another occassion I had a dude give me change for food I purchased. He sat there and licked his fingers (I saw the glob of saliva on his fingers) and proceeded to get my change. I waited for him to finish counting my change and said, "Thanks, now can I have change without your spit on it?" In the words of that "Clueless" broad "As if"?

Ugly People and PDA - When I see an attractive couple showing PDA I ususally look the other way and let them enjoy the moment. When I see ugly people displaying their affection in public I feel like putting a potato sack over their heads and bannishing them to a cave in the mountains so that I and the rest of society aren't subjected to this outrage! They should get tickets from NYPD for endangering the life of others. It's dangerous to my health to see this.

People Who Dance Too Fast to Music - Dude, can you slow the f*ck down? Are you on speed? How come you're breakdancing to the Cha Cha Slide?

People Who Chew With Their Mouth Open - What makes these people think that I want to see the slop in their mouths as the enzymes break their food down? Do they not realize that they resemble hippopotamuses eating in the wild?

Guys With "Moose" Knuckles - What are "moose knuckle" and how do they relate to men, you may ask? Moose knuckles are visible when men wear pants too small for them and as a result of this, their scrotums look like the knuckles of these large mammals. Ewwwww.....

People Who Match Too Much - I saw a dude today that totally disrespected my favorite color, royal blue. He had on a royal blue "do-rag", a royal blue t-shirt, denim shorts, royal blue socks and white sneakers. Besides looking like a pimped out geriatric patient, he looked extremely tacky - he resembles cookie monster and we weren't on Sesame Street. People, not matching is the new black, leave the matching to little kids in kindergarten.

People Who Crack Jokes That Aren't Funny - How come these people don't realize their jokes never amuse anyone. If you have to end your joke "that was funny the last time I said that" - then you're not funny. Stick to what you do best, being a dork.

Men That Wear "Muscle Shirts", But Aren't Muscular - If the your percentage of body fat matches your age then you probably shouldn't wear a "muscle shirt". If you don't have well chisled abs, biceps, triceps, pecs, etc. spare the rest of society and put on a t-shirt. Stay in the gym, you'll get into that muscle shirt yet!

People Who Live In Glass Houses and Throw Stones - I know a woman who would be deemed morbidly obese by all health care professionals in the U.S, yet she insists on telling me about overweight people she sees on her commute to work that look fat and nasty. In my mind I'm thinking ("she's the last one to talk). Why would she do this? These people are the epitome of judgemental and that kills me. Why be the first to past judgment when you're not exactly the pinnacle of perfection?

Types of Women - Part I

Types of women.... Hmmmm where do I begin? The "Chickenhead" aka "bird" aka "hoodrat", their names are usually 5-7 syllables long and its damn near a feat to spell it correctly. Next up, the "Single White Female". These chicks are straight 730... Be aware! The "Hater"; she can't ever give you your props.

The Chickenhead / Bird / Hoodrat / Scallywag - These women are straight up delusional. They think they're the epitome of class; little do they know that no man would ever want to make them their girlfriend, let alone their wife. Nine times out of ten these are the women that you will catch flocking to a car the minute they hear a car honking or will stop dead in their tracks when they hear that ubiquitious "psssttt or yooooo". Can someone please explain to me why everyone in the "hood" knows them? You don't even have to take them out to get them in the bedroom for the most part. The only requirements are: a nice car w/ big shiny rims, gold and diamond jewelry, a mean swagger and nice apparel. The more I think of it the more they remind me of children. Who else is impressed by big and shiny things?
Can someone please tell me why their names usually include the letters "q", "x" and "z"? (i.e) Shaqwaxziya - pronounced Sha-kway-jah. It kills me when these women catch serious attitudes when you mispronounce their name. Wtf?
Chickenheads may not be able to keep a job, but they make it a point to keep their hair & nails "did" at all times. Speaking of hair, ever notice how shiny their weaves are? Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against a hair weave, but wouldn't it make sense to make the texture of the store brought hair match your own? Maybe I'm wrong, but if your hair closely resembles a black S.O.S Brillo pad, then your weave shouldn't be silky in texture and red or blond in color. Nails: OMG - why would a woman think that it's a good idea to utilize every single color from the "98 Crayola" crayon box on your fingernails? As if this weren't bad enough, the lengths of these acrylics tips (silk wraps for the high saditty chickenhead)are absurd. Is there any reason why these women would want their nails to be 4 inches or longer? Are you trying to attract Freddy Kruger or Edward Scissorhands?
Children: How come chickenheads seem to have several different fathers (aka Baby Daddys) for their respective children? Why is it that the names of their children always include the prefix "Dae-, Sha- or Rae-" (i.e - Daequan, Shaneequa, Raekwon) or the suffix "-Asia or -Qwan"(Laquasia, Tyqwan)? Why do these women curse and talk loudly in public to their children and say stuff like "get your dumb a** over here! Sh*t, dumb just like yo daddy." Do these women think talking to their kids like this is going to contribute to their children developing high self-esteem?

The Single White Female - This is the woman who wishes she was you. Note: These females aren't necessarily of the White race. This is the woman that will do everything in her power to get close to you just so can steal your identity. Ever notice the weird googly look these women get in their eyes when they talk to you? They stare at you as if they're in a trance. I personally find it very, very scary.
They have a way of deceiving you. SWFs gain your trust ever so slickly. One moment you're cordial with a SWF and then before you know it, they're your best friend.
"When did this happen?" you may ask... Meanwhile in the mind of the SWF this has been something she's been planning and plotting. When you're asleep the SWF is up late plotting her diabolical plan to tarnish your life, ruin your reputation and then... Muaaaahhhh ahhhh ahhhh BAM - next thing you know you're bound and gagged in some dungeon in the middle of nowhere pleading for your life.
I'll never forget this SWFesque female I ran into years ago. I was a passenger on the "$1 van " making my commute to the train station. As I get closr to my destination the van driver stops to pick up more passengers. A female, about my age, sits next to me and the SWF behavior begins. At first, I thought nothing of it. I looked in my bag for one of the contents and I feel her staring at me. I took a quick glance and saw that she was still staring at me from the corner of her eye. I proceeded to take my wallet out and this is what soldified my perception of her. This fem looked at my wallet in awe and then looked at her own wallet. At this point, I knew that I was sitting next to a weirdo. I continued to ignore her rather uncomfortable stares for the remainder of the ride, but I could still feel her "wanting" eyes piercing my soul, lol.
To avoid these females be wary of sugarysweet women that pay you incessant uncomfortable compliments, stare at you for long periods of time (especially with their heads cocked to the side) and lastly, females that are overly willing to do things for you. SWFs are diguised as timid females in awe of you!

The Hater - This is the female that gives you "elevator eyes" everytime you walk by her. The hater can never admit that she likes anything that you own. You see, this is a sign of weakness; admitting that you have something over her. Instead of this woman complimenting you she ogles you until she's ready to ask you where you bought a certain item from.
I've dealt with my fair share of these women and I must say that I find them quite comedic. These women try to be inconspicuous, but their insecurities come out loud and clear. I feel like saying "If you like something, why can't you just come out and say it?"

I'm sure I'm leaving out quite a few women, so this blog will have to have a sequel. Stay tuned.....

Why is it that......

..... those with power often abuse that power? Here's the setup: It's a manic Monday and you sure as hell don't feel like rolling out of bed. As John Travolta would say, "What a predicament!". Indeed it is. If you're like me, at the low end of the totem pole you hit the alarm clock a few times for a few blissful minutes of snooze heaven and then come to a dreadful realization: You have no more sick days for the year so you have to get your lazy ass up for work :( . Apparently, this is not the case for those with power.

Pardon me, but I didn't know this qualified as a reason for one to work from home, "My daughter couldn't sleep last night so I want to know if I can work from home today?" WTF? Is she delusional? Apparently she is not only delusional, but one lucky, bold woman. Her request to work from home is granted. Great for her. I guess I should get a case of insomnia next Sunday and send her an e-mail to work from home. Wait.... I can't work from home. You see I wasn't given a laptop from the powers that be. A lot of my work consists of my filing confidential documents away. Wait, I've got it! I will file in my mind! This way when I return to work on Tuesday, not only will I be well rested, but I'll also be a proficient "filer", sweet! I sure want to add that skill to my resume! As the ANTM winners proudly proclaim, "This is my life, as a Covergirl!" - (can you hear the sarcasm in my voice?)