Types of women.... Hmmmm where do I begin? The "Chickenhead" aka "bird" aka "hoodrat", their names are usually 5-7 syllables long and its damn near a feat to spell it correctly. Next up, the "Single White Female". These chicks are straight 730... Be aware! The "Hater"; she can't ever give you your props.
The Chickenhead / Bird / Hoodrat / Scallywag - These women are straight up delusional. They think they're the epitome of class; little do they know that no man would ever want to make them their girlfriend, let alone their wife. Nine times out of ten these are the women that you will catch flocking to a car the minute they hear a car honking or will stop dead in their tracks when they hear that ubiquitious "psssttt or yooooo". Can someone please explain to me why everyone in the "hood" knows them? You don't even have to take them out to get them in the bedroom for the most part. The only requirements are: a nice car w/ big shiny rims, gold and diamond jewelry, a mean swagger and nice apparel. The more I think of it the more they remind me of children. Who else is impressed by big and shiny things?
Can someone please tell me why their names usually include the letters "q", "x" and "z"? (i.e) Shaqwaxziya - pronounced Sha-kway-jah. It kills me when these women catch serious attitudes when you mispronounce their name. Wtf?
Chickenheads may not be able to keep a job, but they make it a point to keep their hair & nails "did" at all times. Speaking of hair, ever notice how shiny their weaves are? Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against a hair weave, but wouldn't it make sense to make the texture of the store brought hair match your own? Maybe I'm wrong, but if your hair closely resembles a black S.O.S Brillo pad, then your weave shouldn't be silky in texture and red or blond in color. Nails: OMG - why would a woman think that it's a good idea to utilize every single color from the "98 Crayola" crayon box on your fingernails? As if this weren't bad enough, the lengths of these acrylics tips (silk wraps for the high saditty chickenhead)are absurd. Is there any reason why these women would want their nails to be 4 inches or longer? Are you trying to attract Freddy Kruger or Edward Scissorhands?
Children: How come chickenheads seem to have several different fathers (aka Baby Daddys) for their respective children? Why is it that the names of their children always include the prefix "Dae-, Sha- or Rae-" (i.e - Daequan, Shaneequa, Raekwon) or the suffix "-Asia or -Qwan"(Laquasia, Tyqwan)? Why do these women curse and talk loudly in public to their children and say stuff like "get your dumb a** over here! Sh*t, dumb just like yo daddy." Do these women think talking to their kids like this is going to contribute to their children developing high self-esteem?
The Single White Female - This is the woman who wishes she was you. Note: These females aren't necessarily of the White race. This is the woman that will do everything in her power to get close to you just so can steal your identity. Ever notice the weird googly look these women get in their eyes when they talk to you? They stare at you as if they're in a trance. I personally find it very, very scary.
They have a way of deceiving you. SWFs gain your trust ever so slickly. One moment you're cordial with a SWF and then before you know it, they're your best friend.
"When did this happen?" you may ask... Meanwhile in the mind of the SWF this has been something she's been planning and plotting. When you're asleep the SWF is up late plotting her diabolical plan to tarnish your life, ruin your reputation and then... Muaaaahhhh ahhhh ahhhh BAM - next thing you know you're bound and gagged in some dungeon in the middle of nowhere pleading for your life.
I'll never forget this SWFesque female I ran into years ago. I was a passenger on the "$1 van " making my commute to the train station. As I get closr to my destination the van driver stops to pick up more passengers. A female, about my age, sits next to me and the SWF behavior begins. At first, I thought nothing of it. I looked in my bag for one of the contents and I feel her staring at me. I took a quick glance and saw that she was still staring at me from the corner of her eye. I proceeded to take my wallet out and this is what soldified my perception of her. This fem looked at my wallet in awe and then looked at her own wallet. At this point, I knew that I was sitting next to a weirdo. I continued to ignore her rather uncomfortable stares for the remainder of the ride, but I could still feel her "wanting" eyes piercing my soul, lol.
To avoid these females be wary of sugarysweet women that pay you incessant uncomfortable compliments, stare at you for long periods of time (especially with their heads cocked to the side) and lastly, females that are overly willing to do things for you. SWFs are diguised as timid females in awe of you!
The Hater - This is the female that gives you "elevator eyes" everytime you walk by her. The hater can never admit that she likes anything that you own. You see, this is a sign of weakness; admitting that you have something over her. Instead of this woman complimenting you she ogles you until she's ready to ask you where you bought a certain item from.
I've dealt with my fair share of these women and I must say that I find them quite comedic. These women try to be inconspicuous, but their insecurities come out loud and clear. I feel like saying "If you like something, why can't you just come out and say it?"
I'm sure I'm leaving out quite a few women, so this blog will have to have a sequel. Stay tuned.....
No comments:
Post a Comment