So We've Gone On a Few Dates.......

Here's the setup: It's been a while since you've really dug a guy and he's reciprocated those feelings, so when you finally meet someone who's into you as much as you are into him you hold onto it for dear life! Shoot, in place like NYC (where being single is the new black) it's hard to find someone that can be a potential mate.

What do you do when you've approached that awkward moment: You've gone on a few dates and you've reached the point in the relationship where you just don't want to show your real feelings. Perhaps you've been recently hurt and you don't want to get your fragile heart broken again? Or maybe it's because you don't want to appear too "thirsty" or come off too smothering. Or perhaps it's simply because you just don't know how the other person is feeling and you don't want to step out on a ledge without a safety net.

I've been there. I've stared at the phone wondering if I should pick up the phone and reach out to him. I've dialed the first 8 digits of that 10 digit number and then hung up and tossed the phone aside because at that moment I'd had doubts.

As I reminisce and think about the last time I was with a guy who gave me butterflies I think (very vividly might I add) about the beginning of that "getting-to-know-each-other-phase". I met him a while ago and I was such a sucka for love! I was head over heels for him. I recall going to work and enduring eight hour shifts on less then three hours of sleep. That part wasn't bad, but doing that several consecutive times in a week took it's toll on my body, but I didn't mind.

I kept a Kool-Aid grin plastered on my glowing face! That "I'm-dating-someone-new-who-I-like-and-he-likes-me-just-as-much" aura was all around me! Until..... It stopped. I found it bizarre that I didn't get the same sweet text messages as frequently as was accustomed to. No more "I hope you have a good day at work today babe" or "Good morning beautiful" - it turned into text messages here and there. The novelty had worn off but I didn't know why. As I sit here and write this I wonder if we were getting too comfortable with each other too soon?

What makes a new blossoming relationship take that shift; the shift to the Dead Zone?

Taylor" has found herself in this predicament. She's recently reonnected with a special someone in her life, but feels as though he may just not be that into her (Damn that movie - I swear it f**ked up so many women's minds) just because he is not communicating with her as much.

When this happens should we women take matters into our own hands and reach out to our new beau or just go with the flow?

What's your take?

Dude, Seriously?

What do you do when the guy who goes down on you is terrible; I mean horrific? Do you tell him that his cunnilingus skills are reminiscent to a dying squirrel gnawing through a wall desperate to get out before he suffocates to death?

Hmmmmm, sounds like a blog entry to me!

As I've said too many times boredom can make you do a slew of things that you probably shouldn't do (calling people that you swore you'd never speak to again, engaging in meaningless sex, spending money you don't have or consuming fattening food to cure your sweet tooth - I'm sure you get it. Boredom can be dangerous, very dangerous).

Yesterday boredom coupled with rainy weather made me send out a text message to "Earl" (See "Subway Stories 6: Who Makes the First Move" for a history of this him) suggesting that we see the new X-Men movie and do lunch - he accepted my offer.

After enjoying the wonderful special effects and strong story line we ventured to Applebee's for a quick bite to eat. (Sidebar - I sooooo suggest the Shrimp Fettucine in a green Alfredo sauce with basil - amazing!) Ok, where was I again? Oh yeah - after lunch I suggested that we come back to my place and chill. The overcast weather made me want to cuddle up with a man that I really cared about (he wasn't around so I settled for Earl. Awww, I'm horrible right? Don't get me wrong, I have feelings for him, but he's doesn't possess that "it" factor for me).

We cuddled for a spell and he dozed off soon after. That was all I needed. His arms are crave worthy, they make me feel warm and safe.

While he enjoyed his journey to "Lala Land" I got up to tidy up a bit and then went to shower. When I came back upstairs he was awake, which I wasn't expecting, perusing the Internet. I was in the middle of applying lotion to my body when I asked him to assist with my back. He gladly obliged and proceeded to apply my whipped cocoa butter cream all over my back and it felt nice. After he completed that task I stood up to apply lotion to my thighs and buttocks. As I stood in front of my mirror, I saw him looking at me with a very high level of intensity - I must say it was both amusing and flattering. He ogled me as if I were a dead carcass and he was a vulture about to go in for the most sumptuous feast imaginable.

He took initiative (wow, for a God d**n change) and proceeded to ATTEMPT to eat my "candy." No no #1 - why the hell would he attempt to please me orally with my legs closed? Ummm, last time I checked I had a vagina, not a penis! Since he didn't get the fact that he really wasn't doing a good job in that position I decided to take the wheel and sat down on my bed. I lied down and thought I was about to enjoy a delightful experience, but I was sadly mistaken.

No no #2 - he hurt me, he literally hurt me. After sharp yelp you would've thunk he'da stopped or asked me if I were ok, but no. I had to tell him that he hurt me! He didn't bite me, but it felt like it. At that exact moment it felt like he was a grown man chewing on my genitalia with hard gums; as if he was teething and my vulva was his coping mechanism. Can we say yuck? How about yuck, Yuck and YUCK!!!

After a few seconds I told him and I quote "Owww, you are hurting me and I'm sorry, but this doesn't feel good." Do you know this fool had the nerve to say "Don't move." (as if he was working magic - ha!)I was literally in awe! I've been told several time that my faces are classic and I'm quite sure that at that very moment my face was worth a million words - to think of a few: disgusted, sickened, abhorred, repulsed, appalled... You get my drift.

I told him again to stop and this time I spoke with a bit more sternness in my voice. He knew I meant it, so he stopped (thankfully). The horrible experience was over. and I was amazed; amazed that a human being could be that oblivious. He really thought he did something spectacular - what a joke.

After that ordeal I went to lie down and he knew that I was far from satisfied. You know what, I really didn't care about his feelings at that moment. I felt like being selfish. I decided to doze off and he opted to leave and go home. Ordinarily he would've snuggled up next to me, but I think the tension was a bit too thick for him. Ahh well, he left and I bid him good riddance. I dozed off and woke up to the memory of my experience with him last night. What a way to start off the week!

Long story short, I didn't get my rocks off and I may have hurt Earl's feelings. Ah well, guess he'll just have to get over it. Lesson here ladies and gentleman: Say no to boredom! Call a friend and do something constructive!

Inside The Mind of a Man - Take Three

Hello and welcome to the third installment of "Inside The Mind of a Man". The questions in this questionnaire were a collaborative effort. Several females wanted to know what's going on in the minds of men, so I made it my business to ask around. Feel free to share and comment.

# 1 - What makes you want to toss a woman's salad? (Please note, tossing salad is the licking of an individual's anus)

"I know what tossin' salad is, and I do it because it drives women wild." - K

"Just being a damn freak - it's taboo and what you're "not supposed to have" you will always want." - MJ

"Umm. Nothing makes me want to do that! Lol" - M

"I've come close to licking a**, but not by definition of tossing salad." - S

"Because I'm a freak. If she's clean and a I got love for her, it's going down."
- J

"It's because she asked and it better be my steady girl or wife. Don't need no ones a** on my mouth." - G


# 2 - How do you feel about allowing a woman to toss your salad?
"It ain't happenin'." - K

"Uhh - Negative - No - Not - Don't even think about touching it! That little vein under the ball sack is cool, but NOT THE BUTT HOLE!!!! P.S. If your man likes that you might want to take a closer look at him, lol."
- MJ

"Some men are into receiving that and some women are into giving that, but again, I'm not that kind of guy lol. - M

"I've yet to meet a woman who wants to lick my a** much less put their finger in it. I'm not fixin' to allow it either." - S

"I feel great about it." - J

"Not my cup of tea... Just kills it for me." - G

# 3 - What's with the fascination of anal sex?

"The doorway of the anus is very very tight." - K

"Again, it's where you're not supposed to be. Some feel it puts the man in a position of total domination. It's not that big of a deal for me and not something I necessarily need or want, but if I was asked to perform in that manner by my girl I would be more than happy to oblige." - MJ

"Besides the tight cavity, its a power thing. Once you get your woman to complete every sexual act you desire there's a sense of accomplishment. The sexual boundaries are pretty much removed at that point." - M

"The fascination about anal sex is predicated on trying something new in anticipation that the female will like it." - S

"I guess it's that a woman is letting you do any and everything to her that makes it so fascinating. Not to mention the grip of the anus." - J

"Don't know it's always the women that want to try it, from my experiences." - G

# 4 - Would you allow a woman to penetrate your anus with her finger or a sex toy for pleasure? Men please note, there are a plethora of nerve endings in your anus. Euphoria is only a finger or sex toy away! LOL - This question was inspired by "Whisper" - Thanks!!!!

"NO!" - K

"HELL TO THE NO . Don't ever try that with me or I will run like hell and lock myself underneath the sink. LOL." - MJ

"Wtf! You're shooting four for four with these anal questions, lol. I do the penetrating, I don't get penetrated! I might get my a** grabbed if we're in missionary, but that's as far as I'm allowing it to go,'plethora of nerve endings or not!'" - M

"I'm out, LMAO!" - S

"I may allow the finger, but I don't know if it can penetrate. If she's tossin' my salad and rubs her finger on my a**, I'm ok with that. No toys though!!!" - J

"No. Let me make it a bit clearer, HELL'S NO!! Stay away! EXIT ONLY. Wait one more time, NO." - G

#5 - Lingerie (I'm talking lacy underwear, garter belts, fancy bras or camisoles) or a wifebeater and boy shorts?

"Wifebeater and boy shorts. I'm simple." - K

"ALL OF THE ABOVE!!!!! Don't forget thigh high fish nets!" - MJ

"Lingerie. I love a woman in thigh high, but nothing is better than a woman who comes prepared to play. :)" - M

" Lingerie, lace, bustier, whatever! It all comes down to who is wearing it. In other words, attitude, baby! The clothes at some point will have to come off."
- S

"Either one. I guess it depends on the occasion." - J

"Oh yeah, Wife beater and boy shorts all the way." - G

#6 - In your opinion what is the criterion to maintain a healthy long distance relationship? (Please note, when I say "healthy" I mean a relationship in which neither party cheats on each other)

"Complete honesty." - K

"Oh how sweet - thinking of me are you? As long as both parties remain interested distance shouldn't matter - absence makes the heart grow fonder." - MJ

"Before a long distance relationship is attempted there should be some type of strong emotion or affection being shared between the two people. Then both parties should have an occupation or a hobby etc. that would occupy them. This would eliminate the spare time spent wondering what or whom the other person is doing. Remember 'Idle hands are the devil's workshop.'" - M

"As for as the long distance relationship is concerned, if there's no respect then the relationship ain't worth sh*t. I was a monk for the five year duration of my long distance relationship." - S

"I don't believe it can happen." - J

"Sorry there is No such thing." - G

#7 - Does a big a** really make sex that more enjoyable?

"Yes." - K

"A**? Nope, it's just a visual thing. Bigger doesn't necessarily mean better."
- MJ

"Its black, its sexy, more cushion for the pushing which makes it feel great! In the 80's it was tits and since the 90's it's been a**, lol. However, its not a necessity. Sometimes a pretty face will take a woman further." - M

"Big a**, little a**, don't matter. Actions, not body parts make things happen. A guy can have a big dick and can't f**k. A woman can have a big a** and can't f**k or be lazy." - S

"Sure does. We want something to grab on to, and something to bounce when we hit it from the back." - J

"Well it's all relative, what is a big a**? There is big a** and there is 'WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?' But not really, because if it's too big at some point it's going to look sloppy." - G

#8 - She farts! How do you react? Does it make her view her less of a woman? As quirky and as crazy as this sounds us woman are deathly afraid to do something so natural such as pass gas. What's your take on this?

"Depends, I don't mind farting though, it happens; Just as long as it ain't on a regular basis." - K

"I personally know that women are just like men but they are supposed to be sugar and spice and everything nice - please leave the farting and shitting to the men. If you have to do it make sure when you fart we are in a playful mood and I might laugh it off - otherwise I don't even want to know that you can fart or shit...try to keep it a secret." - MJ

"If this occurs this either means she is rude as hell or she feels VERY comfortable around me,lol." - M

"A woman farting, it's all good. No need to get worked up over it, it's natural."
-S

"I'll just f**k with her and tell her she's nasty, but we would have to be in a relationship. It's natural, but if it's a random chick, she really is nasty. She could go somewhere like the bathroom." - J

"I will be the first one to call her out on it, make a joke of it. What's the big deal. Just don't go toxic on me." - G

#9 - You're dating a female that you want to date exclusively. Does it really matter how many partners she's had? What if the number exceeds 10 do you view her as too loose or just a female in touch with her sexuality?

"The amount of partners matter depending on the situation she f**ked them in." - K

"Doesn't mean that she is loose but she should never disclose an exact number to her dude - especially if she really digs him...what we don't know won't hurt us."
- MJ

"This question sounds familiar, lol! At this stage in life it really doesn't matter. Truthfully I don't wanna know the number. No man wants to know, because he can't handle it. As long as she hasn't slept with a neighborhood or was a prostitute then I'm fine with that. I'm not dealing with 20 year olds, so I can't be so choosy......anymore. Lol" - M

"As much as we want to know about our partners history it's best not to know because we are going to be obsessed with the number. Also we may not be told the truth." - S

"None of that matters. I think every woman is loose at one point of their life. There comes a time where she wants to stop all that." - J

"Damn that's a hard one. It depends on how you're feeling about her and I would say time frame. Were they boyfriends or random guys." - G

What Kind of F**kery Is This?

Society has come a long way with regards to what was viewed as taboo a few short years ago. It is now common to see commercials (as well as infomercials) for lubricants (For sexual intercourse), feminine hygiene products, male enhancement & performance products, STD's/STI's, and condoms, yet we still can't seem to come to grips with the infamous double standard: That it's more socially acceptable for men to be promiscous than women.

Society says it's okay for men to go around and screw everything with a vagina and get categorized as "The ladies man". "The cassanova". "That" nooka". "A playa". "A stud". Yet, when a woman opts to go around and screw everything with a penis she's "a whore". "A skank". "A slut". "A skeez". "A jump off".

Some would argue that it should be a woman's preogative to do with her body what she wants. Those same people might attribute a woman's promiscuity to her being a sexual being that finds pleasure in satisfying her sexual appetite.

This is such a loaded issue. As long as you protect yourself, are very selective and can handle the emotions that go along with having men in and out of your bed (and body) live your life.

Comments?

Sparks

Here I am again, but how did I get here? I hadn't seen him since Thanksgiving weekend. As usual the time spend was enjoyable, so enjoyable that I decided to lay it all on the line - I told him how I felt. No holds barred. I expressed my interest in pursuing a real relationship with him, but he didn't sound like he was on board. He had said everything but yes. "I'm into my work right now", "I need whoever I'm with to understand that I will constantly make moves at the drop of a dime" and other BS.

It hit me and it hurt, reality that is. I realized then and there our "thing" wasn't leading anywhere. After another conversation I decided to stop speaking to him. I didn't want to chase someone that couldn't be caught.

I erased him from my phone. I stopped e-mailing him. He stopped e-mailing me. We didn't speak for two months.

Last Wednesday morning my phone rang. It read "Metro at Hm". My heart stopped. I smiled with glee all because he called. I let the phone ring three times because I wasn't sure if I wanted to speak to him or not. Before I knew it we were engaged in a conversation.

The customary formalities were exchanged and we then caught up. Things were right back to where they were. We agreed to meet up in Manhattan for the whole "touristy" thing, but due to the frigid weather he came over instead. When I opened the door his beaming smile warmed me up. Just like that, the feelings were back. What does this guy have on me?

We enjoyed a lazy afternoon. Talked, cuddled and napped. Nothing more nothing less and I was okay with that. The visit was short and sweet and we made plans to meet up again this week. Which brings me to this entry.

I just returned from his place. The sparks are gone. All the energy I put into making things work before drained me. I have no faith in him anymore. I felt like the "Monday" girl. Who knows who will be occupying his apartment tonight.

The truth hurts, especially when you realize the truth is the person you like so much is not the one for you.

Pardon me while I get my extinguisher.

Now What?

On January 20th, 2009 I was deported from the country I was a citizen of for about the last three years of my life: The United States of Corporate America. I was laid off from my job. Job security, what a joke! I'm newly unemployed and am not sure what I am going to do with myself. Now what?

So many people tell me to view this as a blessing in disguise, but I'm not sure what to do with this new blessing. It wasn't optional, I was thrown out into the cold without any sustenance or proper clothing. Now it's up to me to either stay out here in the cold and succumb to the figurative hypothermia and starvation or to hustle my way to warmth and sustenance.

Take a chance, pursue my love of writing and make it work or go back to Corporate America for a steady means of income. What's a girl to do?

A few months ago I wrote about relinquishing the "safety net" (see, http://theinquisitive1.blogspot.com/2008/07/reliquishing-safety-net.html) and specifically said "I have to be certain that my rent, amongst other bills are paid on a monthly basis. In essence I am a slave to those bills. I am too fearful to let go of a sure thing: this job and the bi-weekly paycheck. Thing is, if I were ever fired (knock on wood), I'd pull myself together and get by some how. I'm a hustler, always have been. I can get by.... So what am I waiting for?" - What am I waiting for?!?!?!?!?!!?

Opinions people. Might I add that knocking on wood didn't save my tail from getting the ax - Ha!

Interracial Dating: Is it All It's Cracked Up To Be?

I've been a resident in Singledom, NY for the past three years or so and am ready to move! I want a change of scenery, a brighter new town if you will. A place where cream in coffee and marshmallows in hot cocoa (puns intended) is always in abundance.

What am I alluding to? The men known for treating us (meaning 'sistas') like Queens. The men synonymous with small packages, the men that lack rhythm. White men. Perhaps I was a bit too stereotypical when I commented on the size of their endowment and their ability to dance, but for the most part White men, small packages & lack of rhythm go hand and hand.

With the new year among us why not try something different, right? This is the year of change for me. I took the fake hair out my hair so that I can be au naturale, I was recently laid off and I'm out there in the job market competing with so many other qualified people. It's time that I take advantage of my single status and try something new.

A near and dear friend of mine, "CeCe" swears by White men. She's dealt with her fair share of Black men, but has since transitioned over to Vanillaville and is very content in this town. From her perspective romance is better, sex is better (her White boyfriend was one the most well endowed men she's was ever intimate with. Not only did he have a big package, but he knew how to use it). Cece went on to rave about him being the best guys she's ever dated. She's been trying to coax me towards "the light" for quite some time now, but I was always so apprehensive.




After viewing movies such as Guess Who (starring Ashton Kutcher and Zoe Saldana), Something New(starring Sanaa Lathan and David Monahan) the idea of interracial dating doesn't seem too far fetched.

I recently decided to embrace my adventurous side and proposed something fun to my girlfriends: "Maria", "Cassie", "Taylor", "Morgan", and "Dana"; I proposed we try speed dating. I assume that most of the men in attendance will be of the Caucasian race and I'm okay with that. This will be a carefree way to have a White man approach me and vice versa. At this juncture I'm looking for fun and romance in a place that I've yet to journey.

I'm curious to know how I'll handle cultural differences, being intimate with a White man, and something so simple as kissing a White man. It just may be too much for me to deal with, but I will never know until I try right? I am determined to find out if this is a myth or a fact; Whether love truly is better with men of the Caucasian Race.

I'll keep you posted!

Boredom Made Me Do It!

Qutting time! You simultaneously hit 'Control', 'Alt', 'Delete', pack your bag and get the hell outta dodge. "Thank God it's Friday", you tell yourself as you wait for the elevator to come whisk you down to the lobby. In a few moments, you're out the door and on the train anticipating your stop, you can't wait to change into some cozy sweats and slip into your bed. As you flip the pages of your "commute book" you wonder what you'll get into later that night. Hmmmmmmmm......

The minute you walk in the door you indulge in a much needed glass of wine and unwind. Hell, it's been a long week, have another. "Ahhhhh", a sigh of relief and the feeling of serenity is acquired. Now that you're all relaxed your mind is working on the next thing, what's going on for the weekend?

You call about three girlfriends and to your dismay they all give you the same response: "I'm chilling with ___________ (fill in her beau's name here)tonight." "Great, f**kin' great", you think to yourself, but you digress. Agita and loneliness set in. You're bored and you want company, male company. Sh*t, all that wine has taken a toll on your hormones.

You look through your address book for prospective company with one goal in mind: To find someone you can pass time with. You land on "___"(fill in the first letter of the guy you KNOW you should not be calling, but you do it anyway here). You reached "him" and you just hit the green button on your phone. "Hey, what's up "_________", busy tonight? No? You should come through, I just received some new DVD's from Netflix and I'm about to order some Thai, interested? Cool, I'll see you in about an hour then."

Why the hell do we do this ladies? Why do we call men we swore we'd never deal with again when we're all alone? Here's my hypothesis: First boredom sets in. Next, we get extremely horny. We think about the last time we've had sex and we shake our heads in disbelief because its been that long. Finally we develop a case of convenient amnesia. We CONVENIENTLY forget all about the bad things: His arrogance, his annoying habits, his insensitive & unwelcome smart a** remarks, the blatant blowing off of our feelings (not considering things that make us happy - bringing us flowers, taking us out on dates, showing us romance, etc.) his unwanted touches in the most awkward places (your ears, your knuckles, your ankles - wtf?), his unintelligent statements.... You get my drift. We forget about all these things, but CONVENIENTLY remember (and very vividly might I add) his size, the way he made you feel, the things he said while was inside of you for seconds, minutes (or hours if you're lucky) of pleasure. What a f**king trade off. Is it really worth it?

He agrees to come over and you dance a little jig. Ring.....Ring.... It's him. You exchange casualties, enjoy a drink or two and chill. Before you know it, the act is committed. It's good. You're spooning in bed and then he does it. He says that one dumb a** thing that makes you want to kick him the f**k out NOW! Who are you kidding? Did you really think that he'd change this time? Of course you did, in fact you hoped and prayed he wouldn't say something stupid. To your dismay he did and you sit there fuming. "Why did I call this motherf**ker?", you ask yourself. You shake your head because you already know the answer, BOREDOM.

Been bored lately?

Subway Stories #7 - Adventures on the F Train

"Stand clear of the closing doors... Ding Dong." This is what I heard as I ran down the stairs (as if being chased by Kujo) in 2 1/2" heels. "Hold the door" someone yelled. My arm prevented the door from closing all the way, how dumb. The door opened again and this time I managed to squeeze my torso in between the train doors, even more dumb. This time the doors opened all the way and I made it in, along with four other people. I spied a seat and sat down with glee.

As I sat there getting my iPod from my Speedy I smelled the most vile scent. "WTF is that smell?", I thought to myself. Perpendicular to me sat a man with the most disgusting breath I've even been subjected to. If I had to describe the scent I'd say it smelled like 3 week old rancid egg salad and boiled baloney (wtf is in baloney anyway?) left on the platform at Lexington & 51st in mid-July during rush hour - FUNKY!!!

He was the color of burnt-sienna (you know that diarrhea color that no one used in the 64 color variety Crayola box of crayons. Might I add that only the privileged kids had this box. Sh*t, that box was about $5 back in the day. For a gal in my late twenties that's a lot!). He had on a matching denim jacket and jeans, white Reebok classics, a blue, cream & green Scandinavian hat with a black coat (The North Face's cousin, The South Face, lol). He sat there so sure that he was the sh*t. No black man, your breath smells like sh*t. When he regurgitates fecal matter surely comes up through his esophagus, how else could his breath be scientifically explained?

I knew his breath was the culprit of that putrid smell because as I started to look at him he yawned. "Noooooooooooooooo, close your mouth!", is what I felt like screaming, but I didn't. I just thought to myself about his train companion. Poor her. I'm convinced, her olfactory nerves must have died from repeated exposure to his breath.

The train slowed down to prepare for the next stop, 169th street. Someone across the way got up, so I prepared to take their seat. As I sat down I looked across from me, a brotha into his paper. To his left, a Latina resting. To my right, there he was! "Hey you guys!!!!" In the flesh was 'One-eyed Willie'!!



He had his pirate's booty and everything (in two big blue garbage bags). Never mind the fact that he didn't look too clean, he had on several layers of clothing, and his beard was unruly. His scully was strategically pulled over the spot on his face where his eye would have been (clever ole' Willie) and his hood covered his hat. He didn't want anyone to know his true identity, but I knew. A real goonie knows.



He glared at me out of that one eye so intensely that I grew a bit afraid. I stood my ground and remained in my seat, he wouldn't hurt me..... Or would he?

If I successfully transcribe this piece from my BB to my PC at work then I have been spared my life... This time.

Inside The Mind of a Man - Take Two

I'm back at! This time around I have even more questions and answers..... Come with me as I take a journey inside the minds of eight friend's minds... This is even funnier than the first questionnaire.

#1 - How important are a woman's feet?

- "Not very, just don't have busted feet and wear open toe shoes outside." - GMC

- "Feet are not that important, but if you have pretty feet, I would love to massage and caress them. If the woman's feet are ugly it's hard to do that, but I wouldn't stop dating a chick because she has ugly feet." - R

- "Very Important." - MJ

- "Very." - K

- "Very important. Sometimes we wanna kiss them sh*ts. Corns on the feet are a turn off, you can't get hard with crusty feet!" - E

- "As long as her feet are clean and her toe nails are descent, then I will be able to lick and suck on them. If not forget it. Does it define who she is? Of course not, but cleanliness is next to getting locked down by a fella like me." -Lyteskynn29

- "Not that important. As long as a lady keeps them groomed she'll be fine. Genetic defects are out of a womans control and she shouldn't be judged by that." - M

- "Feet are extremely important. Pretty feet bring out more of the freak in a nooka." - J

Hmmmm, I wonder if these few men represent the majority of men who are into the upkeep and appearance of a woman's feet?

#2 - At what point in the relationship do your eyes start to wander? (When do you get bored and want something new?)

- "It varies, it's not wandering. It's more like when can I get rid of her? If you're not feeling her even after you have slept with her (and it was any good) keep her on the side." - GMC

(This comment is in reference to the side chick. GMC didn't really answer the question) - The Inquisitive 1

- "Whenever the relationship starts to dwindle. When the relationship feels like a burden. I would try and break up before I try something new." - R

- "Depends on what type of chemistry there is." - MJ

- "Eyes always wander, but wanting something new depends on the length of the relationship and how deep the partners are into the relationship." - K

- "That's all relative to the current state of the relationship." - E

- "My eyes don't wander, I'll let you know first if your not doing your job several times. After you've been warned the rest is up to you. If you seem to not get it, I'm not going to have wandering eyes. I'm leaving and its over and done. You've been given notice, it's that simple." - Lyteskynn29

- "When the relationship you're in begins to go bad ; after a lot of arguing, fussing and fighting. Everyone wants a new car once they get a few dents and scratches, lmao." - M

- "Eyes start to wander when you start feeling like things aren't what you were really looking for. It always looks good in the beginning." - J

#3 - Do men really prefer "b**ches"?

- "Not really, but I personally like a challenge." - GMC

- "I don't ever prefer a b**ch. (If you mean b**ch as in trashy and unlady like)." - R

- "We want a little of both at the right times." - MJ

- "Only for the chase." - K

- "No, not at all. A "b**ch" is someone that you can really f*ck, but you can't wife a b**ch." - E

- "B**ches, truly a bad word. I prefer the term 'bad girl' (for a 'bad boy') or 'my Ma' or 'my baby girl down for whateva', but the term 'b**ch' never because that's disrespectful to our Queens." - Lyteskynn29

- "A woman who doesn't take sh*t, expresses herself or has standards can be labelled a 'b**ch', but this could show that she has respect for herself. This CAN be attractive, just don't go overboard with the micro-management stuff. Men don't really care for woman who constantly complains about everything." - M

- "Nah, men prefer ladies. Nookas may prefer b**ches. Most of us want 'a lady in the street but a freak in the bed.'" - J

#4 - 'Au Naturale', meaning - no fake nails or hair weaves, no make-up/very minimal make-up vs. 'Glammed Up', nails done all the time (acrylic/silk wraps), expensive hair weaves and a full face of make-up - Which do you prefer?

- "No make-up. There is nothing better than a naturally beautiful woman. Women really underestimate lip-gloss and no make up." - GMC

- "I don't mind fake stuff as long as it looks real and good! I love a chick that dresses up." - R

- "Depends on how naturally pretty she is. Some girls look good waking up and rolling out of bed, others need a little help. I would of course prefer a woman who doesn't need makeup and the other things mentioned." - MJ

- "Au naturale!!!!!!" - K

- "Here's the thing. It all depends on what you want them for. If you're looking for a girl that every guy will look at only because of the glammed up look (hairweaves, nails and make-up) then you go with the glammed up girl. If you have a girl that's glammed up all the time, then you have a problem. That means that they have low self-esteem. These glammed up girls feel like they have the "one-up" on the "Plain Janes". The au naturale girl is usually looking at the glammed up girl like "This b*tch know she didn't wake up like that". I prefer the "Au Naturale girl." - E

- "Phyiscally, no preference for me. Just have a pretty face (which counts the most to me), nice big round applebottom a** with nice, pretty breast (big, medium or small), the good looks of Halle Berry, Jessica Alba or Vivica Fox, or have the beautiful features of the 'inquisitive 1' is definitely my choice. With or without the make up because they all have gorgeous faces and killer yummylicious bodies to die for." - Lytekynn29

(Lyteskynn was all over the place, but I think you get his drift) - The Inquisitive 1

- "Natural, all day. The "extras" hide things. Besides, being at a woman's apt @ 3:00am while she has a "pancake" face is just terrible. Smh" - M

- "All natural is great, but there's nothing wrong w/a lil fixin up as long as you don't overdue it." - J

#5 - Would you "wife up" a woman that you bed on the first night?

- "It depends if she is wife material." - GMC

- "It depends on how I feel about the women. If I feel like she's wifey potential I would. But I take my time before I get into relationships. I try to get to know them, don't rush it. I've been through some bad experiences, so I like to scan them first now." - R

- "Let's just say that I would not "wife" her based on the fact that we shagged on the first night." - MJ

- "No." - K

- "It depends on what happens after that. If you and the girl are vibing and zoning, then it's a possibility. However, you'll always wonder if she'll do the same ish' when she meets someone else." - E

- "If the chemistry was perfect for the both of us after a couple of times "No doubt, No doubt." - Lyteskynn29

- "This is a case by case basis. If two people have a physical and mental connection AND then decide to take it to that level then why not?!? Sleeping with each other on the 1st night isn't the problem (if it were one of you would've said "STOP"). The problem is the miscommunication and secret agendas that are exposed afterwards." - M

- "I would wife a woman that I beat on the first night, but not right away. If I realized that she was a real chick, why not? We're grown now. There's no need to play the "make a nooka wait" game. If both parties want it, get it." - J

#6 - Can you forgive a girl if she cheats on you? (By "forgiving" I mean continue the relationship without resentment and mistrust).


- "Nope because if she did it once she will do it again. I don't care what anyone says, they will do it again." - GMC

- "Cheating is a very hard thing to get over. When my last girlfriend did that I didn't speak to her for 6 months and I cursed her out. Yeah I don't take that to well, but if it's established that we're just dating I can take it." - R

- "Uhh - lemme see.........F**K NO!!!" - MJ

- "Yes, but the forgiveness will take a very long time." - K

- "Hell no. You can still f*ck her, but you can't forgive her." - E

- "I can forgive without resentment and mistrust and forget it as long as I hit another woman up in front of her while she watches, that way we call it even. Not tit for tat but let's just say she's earned her place by giving me a gift back." - Lyteskynn29

- "NO! When this happens you either become paranoid or naïve. Either you become Mario "Mr. I don't wanna know" Winans, or whenever she's away or busy the thought will return and it will always be an issue, even if you decide to get even. Did she cheat again?!?!" - M

- "That depends. If I know that I haven't been doing right, then maybe I can forgive, but I would still be tight. I would act more upset than I am just so she wouldn't suspect that I've cheated too. If I've been doing right by her the whole time though, I doubt I can forget or forgive." - J

#7 - Smart vs. Sweet - Extremely intelligent woman, I'm talking head of the class, 1600 SAT full scholarship to ivy league school smart vs. Extremely sweet, nurse you back to health sweet, sponsor a child in Africa sweet. What's your preference?

- "Mixed, both sides. Don't forget street smarts. Lack of street smarts kills it for me." - GMC

- "I prefer a sweet chick, but intelligence doesn't hurt. I'm a sucka for sweets!" - R

- "Anything in excess is too much. I would prefer a balance between the two." - MJ

- "Sweet." - K

- "Out of these two choices I choose sweet. That kind of smart means she'll be stuck up and will have her nose in the air and ish. Extremely sweet, nurse you back to health, that's all every guy wants." - E

- "Both are okay with me as long as they are FREAKS IN THE BED, it's all gravy." - Lyteskynn29

- "I'm rolling out with the genius. Lol. I love ambitious women. A person who inspires themselves to be great is the type of company you keep around yourself." - M

- "Damn, I can't have a mix of both? I don't want a stupid chick, but I don't want an evil one either. I guess if I had to choose, I would choose extremely smart. At least she would be smart enough to know when to act nice." - J

#8 - How important is the upkeep of pubic hair? Which do you prefer? Landing strip, Absolutely no hair, neatly trimmed V, crazy and wild bush?

- "Absolutely none is preferred, landing strip will do." - GMC

- "Lol, landing strip, neatly trimmed V? I have no idea what you're talking about but I will say I love your hairstyles Melinda! I don't dig the bald look on women." - R

(It's so apparent that 'R' has no idea what the hell I was talking about! LOL. He's so innocent!) - The Inquisitive 1

- "Melinda you know I'm nasty - I like it all. I would like to see my significant other in each of these stages." - MJ

- "Very f**kin important, neatly trimmed is cool, but bald is best." - K

- "Anything except the crazy wild bush. Absolutely no hair, sometimes the stubble catches you in the face, but it looks good. The neatly trimmed V and the landing strips look hot and those are my personal favorites." - E

- "No Hair Only!!! How else do you expect me to suck and lick her in the middle in order to make her purculate, jump, and wiggle so that all her love juices come rollin and flowin down on my tongue into my mouth to succulently drink it without a shadow of a doubt?" - Lyteskynn29

(I'm convinced, Lyteskynn29 is a freek-a-leek! LOL). - The Inquisitive 1

- "Absolutely no hair! I don't like any hair in my mouth, let alone a pubic hair. Smh just thinking about it. P.S. Landing strips are pointless. Why go thru the effort to leave a "mohawk" on va-jay-jay? Just cut it all off!" - M

- "The upkeep of pubic hair is as important as the upkeep of the hair on your head if not more. I prefer bald, but I don't care how it's shaved, as long as it's shaved. I'll be damned if I think about going down on a female who has a safari down there. First of all, that makes it more of a chance to be funky, and second, it's just not attractive. Pussy is beautiful!!! I don't wanna have to weed through sh*t just to see it." - J

#9 - How important is it that your mother approves of the woman you're dating?

- "This will vary, but for me none." - GMC

- "It would be a plus if my mom approves, but if I like/love the girl that's all that really matters." - R

- "Not." - MJ

- "It's not important, but it's def a plus." - K

- "The sh*t is not important, not important at all. You just don't bring her around your mother." - E

- "I'm hitting her not my mom. My mom's opinion or thought would never count. I'm a man and I make my own decisions not my mother, that's for punk and sissy a** men."

- "Its important, but it’s not a deal breaker. Women in general seem to find a way to not get along with each other. However, if my mom didn't care for a girl (and there was a valid reason), then that's a warning sign. Women are more detailed when it comes to schemes. Who better to judge a woman’s character then the first one you've known?! " - M

Good answer M!!! - The Inquisitive 1

- "It's cool if my mother approves of her of course, but at the end of the day I'm with the woman not my mother." - J

#10 - How important is it that your boys approve of the woman you're dating?

- "Ok tricky question. It's not that they approve but it is that whether they would be like damn she is fine or damn where did you find that thing." - GMC

- "Its not that important." - R

- "Not!! Unless they know something that I don't." - MJ

- "Its not important, but its definitely a plus." - K

- "Not important at all. I don't care if my friends like my girl. Your boys and your girl can avoid each other when you all go out." - E

- "F$%#@!&*ck what they think! Waiting for approval from them,NEVER!!! Hitting and cold splitting my girl for me will last forever. Let them only imagine how great and sweet the pu@#$!%^&y is because if it was left up to them it would definitely be theirs." - Lyteskynn29

- "My friends are straight forward and easy going, so if they discovered something they felt I needed to know they would inform me. If my people didn't get along with her, then I would have to question that. What could their issue be? If everybody is complaining about one person, then EVERYBODY can't be wrong." - M

- "It's kind of important, just like the mother, so the same answer applies. It helps if they like her because then it's more comfortable to have her around. Plus they may see something that I'm not trying to see, so I guess the mother and friends are pretty important." - J

#11 - You're out and about and you see a good looking fem, what are the 1st, 2nd and 3rd things that you notice?

- "Body and Face, but it all can come falling down when she opens her mouth. It would not stop me from sleeping with her. It would stop there, no girl friend material, lol" - GMC

- "Cute face & smile , nice physique, and how dressed up they are." - R

- "Eyes, lips, tits.... If she is facing me lol." - MJ

- "face/hair, ass, legs." - K

- "1st the body, 2nd the face, 3rd you check to see if that b*tch has Jordans on. If she has Jordan's on it's a no go!!" - E

- "Definitely a cute face, the ass below the waist, and hoping by speaking with her that she isn't a NUTCASE!!!" - Lyteskynn29

- "In order - Face, hair, and hips, but that's just me (shrugging shoulders)" - M

- "1st, Her face and hair of course. 2nd, her style of dress. Hopefully she's wearing some hot ass shoes or boots!! 3rd, her shape. The rest I'll notice after the convo." - J

What response(s) had you in stiches or shocked?

First Date: How About We Chill...... At My Place?

You met a guy, You've been talking on the phone for the past few nights and the conversations flow effortlessly. You're feeling him and he's feeling you. After several nights of late night talking the consensual decision to go out this weekend is made; It'll be your first date.

Just as you start to put your ensemble together for dinner and a movie the phone rings.... "Hello? Hey hun, what's up?.... What's that? You don't feel like going out tonight? You'd rather I come chill at your place?" You stand there in disbelief. The nerve! What do I look like? I wanted to go out! At this point you're like "what happened to dinner? What happened to the movie? What happened to a night out on the town?" You tell him that you'll get back to him, but in the back of your mind you've already made your decision: "I'm not going over there! What the f**k do I look like?" Sound familiar?

When did hanging out at the new dude's house or worse yet, him inviting himself over to your place constitute as the first date? Whatever happened to the gentleman picking up his potential love interest from her home with a bouquet of flowers, walking her to the car, and going out for an evening of stimulating conversation?

A few weeks ago, a girlfriend of mine (Maria) met a gentleman. She met him at a party and they hit it off. It was refreshing to see her so excited, especially since it'd been a while since she'd been into a guy like this. They made plans to go out on a particular Saturday, but the roads were icy and dangerous. He proposed that they get together at his place, order a pizza and enjoy a night in. Maria didn't take to well to this, so she declined the invitation and decided to not deal with him anymore.

Was this too harsh? Is it wrong to dismiss a man because he doesn't step correct the first time? I think not! You have to set a precedent for what you want. If you settle for the okee doke, then that is what you will continue to get repeatedly.

What's your take on this?

Inside the Mind of a Man - Take One

I composed a short questionnaire and sent it to six of my dear male friends.... Check out the responses. I found this to be informative and comedic.

#1 - Why do men say that they'll call and they don't?

- "This is a myth, men call, just not when you expect us to. Now we may take some time to do this for a number of reasons other than being busy. Maybe you gave up the ass too early, maybe the relationship is just based on ass and he's satisfied for the time being. Or most likely we don't call cause' we hate talking on the phone and don't have the need to hear from you all the time." - K

- "Sometimes that's just a way of hanging up the phone, 'I'll call u back'. Sometimes, we just get tied up in things. Sometimes we really want to call, but don't feel like dealing with where we know the conversation is gonna go." - J

- "They (meaning the man & his lady) are at the point in their relationship where he feels that he can get away with anything. He doesn't want to make himself too predictable, women prey on a man's tendencies!" - S

- "I am horrible when it comes to this. I will 'bag' you and NEVER call. Sometimes I realize during the initial discussion that the woman isn't really about anything or she lacks substance. I don't wanna be a dick and tell her 'no thanks, I don't want your number anymore.'" - M

- "I think men say that they will call but they don't because a lot of guys don't like being on the phone. Most women enjoy a good, healthy conversation on the phone, (some men do) but I think a lot of men get bored easy. Sometimes men and women differ on what types of things they like to talk about." - R

- "We might intend to, but something may have come up, I don't do that without a very good reason unless I just don't like you that much." - MJ

#2 - Why do men cheat?

- "Because we usually get used to what we have after we've had it for a while and the grass usually looks greener on the other side. We are predators by nature and the ONLY thing that will keep us from cheating is TRUE love. We might cheat because of our own insecurities or because the relationship gets boring - i.e. what happened in the beginning doesn't happen anymore. Without true love no matter how beautiful or great the woman is men will most likely cheat." - MJ

- "I think most men cheat because we are taught that cheating is kinda good, you know pressure from the boys. Its like a notch on the belt as stupid as that sounds, the more women you got the cooler you are; as opposed to women the more men they have the more they are looked down on. I think men are more easily stimulated visually rather than emotionally, and we like to act on it right away like a dog in heat." - R

- "We cheat when we haven't found the right one, when we are tempted beyond the point of good judgement, sometimes it's an ego booster, curiosity, greed, weak, sometimes it's to protect our feelings just in case..." - J

- "Some men cheat because they're cheaters at heart and can't be and refuse to be satisfied by one woman. It could also be because our woman's personality or body has changed so a substitute had to be found. 'Wifey' is boring, she doesn't want to try new things. Could be because she starts rationing the pu**y (rationing the pu**y is not a good idea especially if your man works for any of the NYC top agencies, NYPD, FDNY, etc, LOL!). Perhaps she doesn't dress sexy at all, the man cheated once and now can't stop, the thrill of cheating and not getting caught, or lastly to conquer the pu**y." - S

- "Men cheat for the same reason women cheat. People usually cheat when their relationship is not satisfying. It doesn't necessarily mean sexual satisfaction. You can have a f**k on the side who won't give you any problems that your partner would and your willing to share your body just for that peaceful time with the opposite sex. There's also the other reason that a man can't control his sexual desire and although he loves his partner, his lust, which is way more savage and aggressive than love, pulls him to temptation and his animal desires." - K

- "Sad to say it, but the only thing better than pu**y is NEW pu**y. Lol. As MEN we have to grow up and make a sacrifice when we fall in love." - M

#3 - When a man kisses you, is that deep; Does that mean that he's really into you?

- "A kiss has no meaning to some people, but to me it means a lot!!! Some view it as just another part of sex, but I say some of these women ain't sh*t! Pardon my french. They run around passing bumps and cold sores YUCK!" - M

- "Not always. Many men kiss because they're not very good at engaging in sex, others kiss because they're very into their work and its part of what they do. Don't confuse a mere kiss with making out. If a real nooka makes out with you at length he is into you." - K

- "Kissing is extremely important to me and yes if I'm kissing a female a lot I'm into them. Besides you women like that sh*t." - S

- "Yes. We can have sex with plenty of women and never kiss them, so when we do, it is deep. Unless it's a drunk night or we know that it's the type of girl that needs the extras to feel like your digging her like that." - J

- "It depends on how the kiss is, if there is no emotion in that kiss it can mean the man is nervous or is just not into it. If it's a good kiss it could mean the man is into the girl, or just a good kisser. Maybe we should test this theory out, lol." - R

- "I DON'T KISS MEN!!!!!!!!!!" - MJ

#4 - How do you know if she's the one?

- "Deep answer: This is the woman who wakes up in the morning with no make up on, breath stinking, hair in a silk scarf, Biore nose pad on, with oversized pj's on and still manages to make you smile and laugh. Shallow answer: She has a good job, great physical features, and accepts all of your bullsh*t." - M

- "You Don't" - MJ

- "I think you just know, from what people tell me you just know, it's as simple as that...I think." - R

- "I guess when you think about no one but her. When you have no problem being with her all the time and you don't feel like your missing anything. You just know - there's a bond that you feel. I don't think it's possible to feel like she's the one if she doesn't feel the same about you." - J

- "The vibe, personality and conversation is tight. She is supportive and makes you a better person. You can take her anywhere. I heard a comedian joke and say that you can't be with a woman who is worth gold only around a 5 block radius,lol!" - S

- "She sticks with you through years of bullsh*t." - K

#5 - Before you go down on a girl what factors do you consider?

- "I consider her upkeep, how often her hair is done, toes, nails and how long it took for us to get down. If everything is on point (and we'll know) she gets the pearl licked." - K

- "Would she do the same for me?! Lol, but 'do I really know you?!'" - M

- "STDs! Is she clean???? The scent and taste, I'm sorry , but p**y does not taste sweet, LMAO!! Women love to hear that their p**y taste sweet and it's tight. I'm happy with the p**y that has a basic taste. Basic as in a neutral texture, no acidity please. I once heard a guy describe applying the battery test in regards to eating pu**y. I'm sure everyone knows what a battery with two electrodes look like. So if you were to place your tongue between the two electrodes you will experience a mild shock. This cannot occur during the act of cunnilingus, LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! No shocks allowed, I'm retarded. Quantity of hair, less is better or neatly trimmed preferred." - S

- "Sex appeal is what first makes me wanna go down on her, but I have to feel like she's clean (because you never really know), I have to feel like she respects herself enough to not have mad nookas running up in her, she has to be shaved, or at least descent, and somebody that I actually care about." - J

- "Is she clean? Does she smell? How long have I known her stuff like that?" - R

- "Cleanliness, Smell and the presence or absence of discharge." - MJ

#6 - If a man goes in you raw and cums inside of you, does that mean that he's into you "like that"?

- "No, it means he is a f**king idiot looking to catch a disease or a child support case." - MJ

- "Basically. This nooka wants you to stick around. (Shaking my head) I still haven't done this." - M

- "If a man cums in you raw that may not mean he's into you, but it means he is definitely into sex. That means he's feeling so good at that moment, so much that he doesn't care if he cums in you. Men gotta think wisely but its hard when you are in a situation that feels so good, feels like its beyond your control. Or it just might mean he just want you to have his kids, its a trap, lol!" - R

- "Most of the time yes. Sometimes he could just be thirsty and not have a condom, and when it's time to explode, he may not have that will power to pull out." - J

- "Going in raw and ejaculating are only allowed with 'wifey'/steady girlfriend on birth control anyone else it's just another piece of ass with total lack of responsibility and disrespect for that person." - S

- "No." - K

#7 - How important is it for your woman to cook for you?

- "The intention behind the cooking is more important than the act. If she wants to make sure I eat and enjoys watching me feed myself, that's very important. A woman who just cooks for you on special occasion doesn't have enough heart in you to learn something new." - K

- "It's nice when a woman can cook for you, but I'm always leery when this occurs. It prompts you to think, what's her agenda? Is she being absolutely genuine or trying to make you THINK that you are going to have a hot plate on the table on a daily basis. Will this just last during the honeymoon phase or will there be a TV dinner take over? LOL!!" - S

- "Very!!! You know the saying 'The way to a man's heart is through his stomach'. That may not be totally true, but it does help a lot!!" - J

- "Important! Why have a woman that can't cook?! Eating out is costly and unhealthy....in other words, I can do bad all by myself." - M

- "I love a good home cooked meal from a women, especially if the woman can throw down in the kitchen, I find that very sexy. It turns me on in a way, because it shows she cares and is thinking about her man's well being." - R

- "NOT - I cook better than most of them anyway." - MJ

#8 - What constitutes "grade A" head?

- "Proper lubrication, friction, slurping, ball handling and hand stroking. Swallowing isn't mandatory, but sucking it out feels great." - K

- "Busting a nut. most women can't get me there." - MJ

- "Damn x-rated, lol. Slow passionate stroking and sucking the head of the penis the most sensitive spot! yeah baby!" - R

- "Knowing what your doing. It can't be just fast or just slow. You gotta know when to switch gears, when to use your hand and when not to. The wetter the better. At least try to deep throat - gagging is a turn on!! It helps if it at least seems like your enjoying it too. Why not end it off by swallowing?" - J

- "The woman grabs the wand and takes control of the orchestra. Makes a nooka sensitive, powerless, scared because the head is so good he may not last that long in the pu**, LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - S

- "No hands. No teeth. Ball licking and/or suckling. Deep throat. Swallow back young'n!" - M

What's your take on these questions and answers? I was quite surprised at the comments I received for question #7 (regarding cooking). I always knew that men appreciated their woman to cook for them, but I had no idea that they viewed it as a means of a woman extending their love towards their man. Take note girls..... Get in the kitchen and learn how to prepare an array of meals, you might just be pleasantly surprised what you will receive in the bedroom.

As far as kissing, I have no idea what MJ was talking about when he wrote that he doesn't kiss men, lol.

What questions or comments made you laugh or taught you something?

The Clock Stopped

Bzzzzz....Bzzzzz.... That was the sound of my BlackBerry as it vibrated on my desk at work. I glanced at the screen and saw a phone number. "Hmmmm, who is this?" I pondered. It's not a bill collector (not an 800 number, so I'll answer). On the other hand its someone I don't speak to frequently (otherwise their name would have appeared). Do I really want to answer this? Bzzzzz..... Let me pick this call up before they hang up.

"Melinda ********* speaking" (that's my "I-don't-who's-on-the-other-end-of-this-phone-right-now-so-I'll-answer-like-I-answer-my-work-phone-just-in-case-its-someone-important" greeting). "Hello", the voice says. Is this who I think it is? Oh God, not him again. "Who is this?" I query, already somewhat knowledgable of who it was. "Don't hang up, it's.... It's.... It's "Kyle". I was right, it was him - the man that makes me contort my face in a manner as if I've just inhaled the most vile scent on earth known to man. With the mere mention of his name I roll my eyes and think about. Ugh, even as I type this my visage is an unpleasant one.

Tick tock tick tock tick..... Tick..... Tock....... Stop! Time stood still. I skipped a breath. My heart fluttered. In the word of "Pop" from the The Color Purple, "The dead has arisen". It's been months since he's bothered me. Kyle is my ex. The man that I spent 5 1/2 years in a monogamous relationship with. The boy that didn't appreciate what he had until it was too late.

After years of disappointment, crying, laughing, good times, bad times, jealousy, frustration and lies I ended our relationship in September of 2006. The cessation of communication set in soon after; it wasn't an amicable break up. He wanted to continue with this toxic relationship, but I was done.

After approximately six months he reached out to me in the hopes of forming a cordial relationship with me. He didn't get it. He thought I just needed time apart from him and that I would want to get back with him. No. This time my no meant no. I realized then and there that a friendship was not in our near future and I was okay with that. He didn't get it.

He called me from a variety of different numbers for months. The moment I'd hear his voice I'd immediately hang up. There was no point in speaking to him. His words were not conducive to my well-being, but detrimental. I had to get him out of my system. Eventually, after I was able to forget about him. You know the old saying "out of sight, out of mind"? Well it worked for me when I was getting over him.

What did he want? Did he expect me to bend over backwards and rejoice "Thank you Lord for sending Kyle back into my life!!!" "What do you want Kyle?", I asked. He proceeded to tell me that it was a new year and that he wanted us to be civil towards one another. "Whatever", is what I thought to myself. The ship named "Civility" has sailed away a long, LONG time ago. I remained silent. He then invited me to his birthday party. Wtf would make him think that I'd want to go after the way that we ended our relationship? To avoid an unnecessary argument while at work I kindly declined and told him to enjoy himself. I meant it. No use in putting energy into wishing the worse for him.

I hung up the phone and a wave of emotions went through my body. The fluttering of my heart stopped and my breathing pattern was restored to normal..... Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Tick tock tick tock tick tock..... The clock is ticking again. Out of sight our of mind. I'll be alright.

Two Friends and A Tropical Getaway

From the title you'd think this is going to be the story of new found love right? WRONG! Where the hell do I begin to tell this LONG story? I'll start with the history of "Kevin" and I.

We met in school four years ago (damn time flies). He was the milk chocolate brother that caught the eyes of quite a few woman not only in our program, but also in the Physical Therapy, Diagnostic Medical Imaging and Midwifery programs. Personally, I thought Kevin was attractive, but not really my taste; he didn't really get my mojo going. I know that he was attracted to me (women, you know when a guy is into you right?, but he never acted on it. Who knows why, could have been his shyness or fear of rejection. Perhaps it was the fact that I was in a relationship and he didn't want to disrespect my relationship. Guess that'll remain a mystery....

After weeks of women flirting with him a certain woman won his affection, "Rain". Although neither of them said it, it was quite apparent that Rain and Kevin were doing "them" when class was not in session (if you know what I mean). If you don't know what I mean, doing "them" means engaging in sexual activity and building a romantic relationship in private.

I left the program in December of 2004 and they kept on dating. After leaving I maintained contact with a few of my classmates, including Kevin. He informed me that things didn't work out with him and Rain, but that they chose to remain friends.

My relationship with Kevin for the last four years has been one in which we dish about our dating dramas, stresses of school and stresses of work. While having our in depth conversations I've toyed with the idea of him and I becoming a couple, but never acted on it. I guess back then I was old fashioned, I didn't want to make the first move.... From reading my blogs I guess you can say that I've changed huh?

Kevin and I had hooked up on various occasions and enjoyed each other's company, but never did anything. Well, we came close once.... After a night of drinking and dancing at a pub in Brooklyn I went back to his place. We both stumbled in and tried my best to get ready for bed. Kevin attempted to give me a goodnight kiss as I made myself cozy on his sofa (he had a studio at the time and I went for the sofa once I changed clothes), but I didn't go for it - I didn't want to do anything with him in that state, it just didn't feel right....

Fast forward to the beginning of December. I received a text message from a girlfriend that was worthy of forwarding. It read "Before 2008 is over you and I should______". This message was sent to Kevin and he responded, "hug and kiss or kiss and hug". I must admit, I was a bit caught off guard by that response so I responded "awww, you're so sweet." - Yeah that was cheesy, but it was the only thing that I could think of in such short notice. A few moments later he sent me another message that caught me off guard even more, "I'm going to Puerto Rico next week, wanna come?" I was in shock! A plethora of things went through my mind: "Is this a good idea?", "Can I get the days off from work?", "Is this his polite way of trying to take our friendship to a different level?"

I asked all those questions and then I asked one more, "why are you thinking so much? Just go!" I did just that, I went to Puerto Rico!

Friday, December 12th, 2008 - Adios NY!

Kevin met me at my house at 4:40am. He drove his car to my place and we hopped in the cab to head to JFK. Our flight was for 6:00am, so we were cutting it very close! We made it and boarded Jet Blue flight 718 - Puerto Rico here I come! While on the plane I rested my head on his shoulder and he rested his hand on my thigh. It was cool, this was just a friendly trip (that's what I kept telling myself)). We landed safely at around 11:00am and made our way to the shuttle provided by the hotel. The weather was gorgeous and we couldn't wait to get out to the beach.

While en route to the hotel, we stopped at a local restaurant to grab some authentic cuisine (baked chicken with rice and beans) then we went to a nearby liquor store to buy two big bottles of Cruzan rum and a big bottle of Bacardi light. Sweet! This short getaway was starting off lovely! We checked in and I learned that there were two Queen-sized beds in the room. Whew! - That was a load off my mind. I gotta admit before I left NY I was thinking about the set-up of our room. The thought of one large king-sized bed would have been an awkward arrangement, considering neither Kevin or I defined what our relationship was at that particular moment.

We made our way to our room, mountain view, and I scrutinized the room. The beds were plush and looked comfortable. I plopped down on the bed that I claimed to be mine (the one nearest to the balcony) for the remainder of the trip. Next onto the bathroom, very nice! Marble counter tops, nice bathtub and Bath & Body Works lotions, shampoo, conditioner and sun tan lotion. Last stop, the balcony. The sun enticed us as we overlooked the trees and the serene scenery!

Lunch was consumed soon after and we toasted to our safe arrival and a long weekend of fun. Before I knew it we'd both relaxed a little too much... So much that we fell asleep. When I woke up the sun had already set, damn - missed the beach.

I woke Kevin up and we went out onto the balcony to catch up; Erykah Badu's
"New Amerykah" and Cruzan mango & coconut rum set the mood. After indulging in conversation and drinks I suggested we go down to the jacuzzi since we missed the beach - he agreed. I threw on my two-piece with a a tank and shorts to cover it and put on his trunks. Since Cruzan has no color I thought I'd bring some down to the jacuzzi in a water bottle. How lush-like! LOL

We made it down to the beach and took in the beauty of the ocean. The moon was bright, the water was beautiful (but cold) and the palm trees swayed to the beat of the warm tropical breezes. Soon after walking on the shore we ventured to the jacuzzi to dip in the warm water.....

Too much Cruzan + a jacuzzi + horniness = a mistake, a BIG MISTAKE. The water was a bit too warm for me so I decided to sit on the concrete surrounding the jacuzzi and kept my feet and calves in the water. I suppose my legs looked rather tantalizing because Kevin kissed my right thigh like it was a succulent peach. Mmmmmmmm, it did feel good. I went back into the water -- guzzle guzzle guzzle (another sip of Cruzan)then came back out because I was getting too warm. Before I knew it, the kisses were coming every few seconds - right thigh - left thigh - neck - neck - lips. "OMG, I'm kissing Kevin. Am I really doing this?" I most certainly was! Before I knew it the act had been committed, the line had been crossed, Kevin was no longer just a platonic friend, he was my sexual partner.

It started off in the jacuzzi, but I demanded he bring me out onto the lounge chairs, I wanted to feel everything (without water ruining the friction). As I type this I still can't that I took it there. We took it there without protection! That's the worse part about the whole ordeal. Pregnancy was the least of my concerns. In this day and age women have far more to be worried about.

We made our way to the lounge chairs and continued with this sexcapade. I told him that I wanted to have him and he proceeds to say "my d*ck isn't working at the moment." - WTF?!?!?!?!?!? I was livid! Blackout #1 - I came to and saw that he was orally pleasuring me.... Ehh, it was mediocre, I don't recall specific details because I was really drunk.

Blackout #2 - I came to and I was on top of him, but he was not inside of me. We made out, but I don't recall the taste of his lips.

Blackout #3 - I came to and I realized I was asleep.... I was asleep atop Kevin bottomless and with my tatas out! I rose slowly as I worked on getting my bearings together. OH SH*T I'm on top of Kevin. Where the hell is the rest of my bikini? Where the hell are his trunks? Did anyone see us sleeping there in our drunken stupor? Did anyone see his poor attempt to use his broke down penis to penetrate my vaginal orifice? I quickly put the rest of my swimsuit on and woke him up. "Get up, we're bugging, we need to go to our room", is what I told him. He woke up in a haste and put his trunks on quickly.

We stumbled back towards our room but had a quick detour (I was hungry - you know how hungry you get after you drink right?). We made a pit stop at the 24-hour bakery and I made a quick purchase, a chicken salad wrap - hit the spot! We made it to our room and the liquor was wearing off (at least for me). I indulged in my wrap and Kevin ate the rest of the food we'd purchased earlier from the restaurant near the resort.

We eventually dozed off in the bed with him and he held my waist all night. No hanky-panky whatsoever and I was cool with that.

Saturday, December 13th - Where Do We Go From Here?

I woke up after a few hours and reached for my BlackBerry, 6;15am. Apparently my body was still in work mode, why the hell else would I wake up so early while on vacay? I got up to use the restroom then returned to Kevin's bed for a few more hours of sleep.

The wake-up call we received from the hotel woke us up around 11:00am. Game plan for the day: Hit the beach. He went to use the restroom and I went to my bed. When he came out (in just a wifebeater - ewwww..... I was not trying to imagine what was underneath that undershirt... A limp d**k, yuck, Yuck and YUCK!!!) I decided that I was going to say something, I had to talk about last night.

We spoke about how drunk we were, how crazy the whole ordeal was and so forth. It was agreed that there was a mutual attraction between us for quite some time, but that it was never clearly defined.

After the convo we decided to go down to one of the hotel's restaurants to grab brunch and then head to the sand to soak up some rays. Thankfully, there was no awkwardness whatsoever between the two of us (like I thought there would be). Sunbathing took up the bulk of our afternoon and I drunk in all of the sun's rays (along with a water bottle of Cruzan). My skin glowed and I felt rejuvenated. While Kevin tanned on his back I stole glances. I thought to myself "damn he has a nice physique! Nice chest and stomach... Damn he has nice arms.... Damn, too bad I don't feel 'it'....". "It" being the chemistry.

We stayed out until the sun was about to set and went back to room. Back to the hotel room for a shower and a quick change. We chilled in our room until the evening, we decided to head downtown to San Juan; the hot spot to party. We wanted a taste of Puerto Rock nightlife and we wanted to take in the sites.

We went to Raices, a popular restaurant chain in PR, and met up with new friends we met (the hotel worker invited us out to hang with her and her husband). We hopped around San Juan (historical sites, the ghetto, various lounges and clubs) and had a great time. Everyone but the driver consumed a few cocktails, needless we were all more than buzzed!

En route back to the hotel, I noticed that Kevin was a bit touchy-feely.... Perhaps all the alcohol we consumed made him frisky. I knew that I was not going to do anything else with him!! Friday night was a mistake. I didn't want to make anymore mistakes for the remainder of the trip.

We made it back to the room and I sobered up with the quickness! I opened the door and made a mad dash for MY bed. I cleared my clothes off my bed then went into the restroom to change. When I came back out, Kevin was staggering around the room in search of something(I have no clue what he was looking for). I went underneath the covers and he went to use the restroom. When he came out, I thought he was going to make an attempt to come in the bed with me and I was right! He walked over to my bed and said "I'd like to join you tonight. If I start snoring and it bothers you, let me know and I will go back into my bed." - HELL NO YOU'RE NOT INVITED IN HERE, is what I wanted to say, but I didn't. Instead I retorted "Awww, Kevin, I want to spread out in my own bed tonight and have a good night's sleep, I'm sorry. I want my own space tonight." - He looked at me for about 5 seconds without uttering a word. All he did was say "REJECTIONNNNN" (he dragged the word out). I quickly shot back "boy please, you know it's not even like that!" When in all actuality it was like that.

My fingers went to town! I sent out a mass text to all my girlfriends. This was a '9-1-1 Melinda emergency'!!!! I typed "I'm starting to be mean to him. I'm buzzed and can't help it, the real me is coming out! I cringed a total of 7x when he touched me tonight (I was referring to the light touches on my waist and/or shoulder {I had on a tube top}). I just played him. He asked to join me in the bed and I told him that I wanted to stretch out, he responds "Rejection". LMAO, he's not stupid!" Thankfully I have wise friends, they calmed me down and encouraged me to enjoy the rest of the trip despite his sexual advances.

While texting my friends back and forth he said "you sure are texting a lot over there." Oops, was I that obvious? Apparently I wasn't as sober as I though I was. You know what, I didn't care! That was mean huh?

Sunday, December 14th, - Day 3 - Why Am I Here..... With Kevin?!?!?!

We were supposed to go on a expedition to the Rain forest, but we were both too hungover to go anywhere. We woke up late and decided to have lunch by the beach side grill. At this point I wished I were there with another gentleman, even Metro would have been welcome! I wanted romance and I was not going to find it with Kevin.

Kevin beat me down there since I was lollygaggin'. I took an extra long shower and let the steam help me unwind. Eventually I made it down to the beach to join him. We met at the bar and indulged in burgers and mango madness's spiked with Bacardi 151 - nice. He left right after our meal because he signed up to view a presentation. I took it easy and caught some more rays. The weather was beautiful and I was enjoyed myself as I zoned out to my iPod tunes!

We ate dinner again by the grill and he started to repulse me! The sound of him smacking his food was so annoying. He sounded like a barnyard animal during feeding time. Wtf? Was he raised by hippopotamuses? Why would a human chew their food like that? Needless to say, it was hard for me to enjoy my meal - the loud sound of mastication is never appetizing.

We went back to the room to wait for our friends to call us. The plan was for us to go Pinones (a part of PR near San Juan) to eat at a restaurant and perhaps go to a club since it was our last night there. Before we met up with out friends Kevin decided to go down to the jacuzzi because his back was bothering him. He invited me down with him, but I declined. In the back of my mind I wondered if he thought we'd have a repeat of Friday.... That was definitely not going to happen if I could help it! Was I putting too much thought into it? Was I really blowing things out of proportion? I opted to take a nice hot bubble bath with a glass of rum & coke instead.

Before going out Kev blazed and he was out of it; his eyes were blood shot red, he moved slow and he kept staring at me. It "weirded" me out. He leered at me like I was a scantily clad sex vixen. He told me how good I looked when I was getting ready for dinner and so on and so forth. I was not flattered by his compliments, I was disgusted. At this point I didn't even want him looking at me lustfully. I was so mad at myself, mad at my moment of weakness on Fri and even more mad at Cruzan! damn, Damn, DAMN!!!!!

We enjoyed delicious Spanish cuisine with at a cliffside restaurant then went downtown to drive around for a bit - no clubbing that night. We made it back to the room and Kevin and I crashed in our respective beds. No efforts of romance were attempted that night. I believe he finally got the hint, I was not into him like that and he knew it.

Monday, Decemeber 15th - Bittersweet: Last Day Here!

I was sad that it was my last day in tropical weather, but I was happy that it was returning to my place, know what I mean? Since we missed breakfast the previous two days we made it a point to go to the restaurant early and get something. Fresh Belgium waffles, custom made omelets, an assortment of fruits, pastries, breakfast meats and pancakes greeted us as made our way to our table. The food was Delicious and I enjoyed everything. What I didn't enjoy was Kevin's lack of etiquette. Why would anyone take a cloth napkin and keep wiping their running nose with it? Icing on the cake: He used this same napkin to wipe his mouth after consuming his breakfast! As I type this my visage is not a pleasant one, but one of disgust.

After breakfast we went to the beach one last time for a quick walk on the sand and some photo ops.... No sunbathing that day, it was rather breezy. We went back to the room, packed our belongings and had one last drink on the balcony.... Goodbye Puerto Rico and goodbye to the idea of a romantic relationship with Kevin.

We boarded Jet Blue flight 715 and went to our seats. I had the window seat in row 24and, Kevin had the window seat across from me in row 25. Once the gentleman next to me realized we were together he offered to give up his seat so we could sit together. I mouthed "NOOOOOOOO", so that Kevin wouldn't hear me saying it. The gentleman laughed and remained seated. At this point I wanted some alone time. I wanted to reflect, I wanted to think about the long weekend and I wanted to write my thoughts.

At around 8pm our plane touched down and I was happy we made it back to NY safely.
We shared a taxi and came back to my place. We kissed each other on the cheek and exchanged a warm hug. Kevin walked to his car and I walked to my apartment door. Goodnight Kevin.

The following day I uploaded the pics from my trip and shared them via e-mail with friends. The note included in the e-mail read "Kevin is sooooooooooooooo not the man for me".... In my carelessness (this should have been included in "Oops Did I Send That Message?") I sent this e-mail to Kevin along with the pics. He sent me a text message that evening and told me "FYI, the feeling is mutual, I just would have worded it a bit nicer." I took those words as him being hurt, his pride kicked in. Nothing more, nothing less.

I called him later that evening and we talked about the e-mail.... I let him know that the message he received was my response to all the inquiries of how my trip with him. I elaborated further and told him how my girls were rooting for me. They all hoped he was the one. This was semi-true so I didn't feel bad about the minute lie.

As it stands we're cordial friends, we've decided that we don't click on a romantic level and that's it. Two friends and romantic getaway........ This time around this combination wasn't a winning one....

Comments? Questions? Please share!